Don't know what to do anymore

by Carol
(Wisconsin)

My son is 28 and has a long string of trouble with the law, all stemming from drugs and alcohol. He recently was sober for 18 months (we think) and then started using again. He is currently in jail for 3 months and then will be sent to a 90 day rehab.

He is very emotional. We are truly guilting of enabling him. We don't want to throw him under the bus but do want him to face the consequences of his actions.

He has asked us to send him books and put money on his account while in jail. We did this but then thought more about it and said no. He lost it...got very emotional and said he is so embrassed and he is the black sheep of the family. He feels he can no longer be a part of the family and will never call us again.

Good Lord what was that all about. There have been suicide attempts in the past. I did send him a book after this call because I don't want him to feel totally lost and that we don't care.

I'm thinking about helping him get back on his feet when he gets out but am going to seek a professional advice on how best to do this. Anyone got some suggestions?

Comments for Don't know what to do anymore

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 02, 2013
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Negative son
by: Anonymous

My son X is 27 years old. We have another son Y age 23 working along with us in our company. X has put in his head that we do not love him and whatever you want to do for him hem will never take it as. A sign of love. He will say that you have pity. He steal, he do things that will always make us mad and despite people talking to him he will always think he is r ought. St ill now he cannot keep a job an d he spent all his time on tv, video game eating and every weeks disappear for three or four days. We have to keep our room, stores closed all time, but he always manage to break in and steal. I am not telling all but you can imagine the hell we are living.he is now violent and we are afraid for him. May be someone can give us the solution. Now we are praying the Almighty Lord to help us.
Regards

Jun 27, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Emotional Blackmail
by: Don

It is not unusual for a person under the lash of addiction to say and do whatever it takes to get what they want...even threats of suicide. It can be called emotional blackmail.

It is risky business to know what to do because the chemicals distort the already impaired judgement so that you cannot predict whether or not they will follow through.

But another thing is for certain - giving in may put it off a disaster in the short term, but it also reinforces the behavior, thereby ensuring future, more intense episodes that are likely to become even more frequent.

Many recovering people are familiar with the statement, "I am going to drink this poison and watch you die!" More often than not there is no follow through, but there are also no guarantees.

This kind of a complicated clinical course requires professional help along the way. I am glad to hear you are reaching out for that.

God Bless!
Don


Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Enabling Behavior Discussion Forum.