Dealing With It

by renfro
(North Carolina)

I come from a family of enabler/codependent people as well as addicts. During my childhood, I was subjected to addictive behaviors, violence, and abuse from my dad and brothers. My mom at the time had the appearance of being the person who kept things in check. Fast forward 30+ years down the road to today.

I am an adult, married, out on my own. My dad is deceased. Two of my brothers still have issue with drug abuse. Add to the mix now, my mother is starting to show signs of being an addict after all these years of monitoring my brothers.

She is elderly and infirm, often requiring EMS visits to the local hospital. One of the visits ended up happening for being over medicated. She was literally on death's door because of it.

I am the first to admit and own my own issues. I am starting to realize that I show signs of being a food addict. I have also been in treatment now for several years for depression/PTSD. I am not perfect and don't want to appear coming across that I am.

I lived through my childhood dealing with the behavior as I had no choice in the matter. Now as an adult, I have a choice. I am starting to distance myself from her, as well as my whole family. She and I don't get along because I won't enable her.

I speak plainly and realistically to her based on what her physicians tell me, and she says I want to control her because of me doing that. She is directly defiant to the things that the doctor tells her to do or not to do. She's a train wreck waiting to happen and I really don't want to be the conductor at the station for the event. So I am doing the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life and I am letting her go. I can't help someone that won't admit she has a problem. I cannot be responsible for someone who intentionally and knowingly puts herself at risk.

We talk less and less now. I have reduced my time of visiting her. I don't know what else to do or how else to handle it. I love her but I can't and won't deal with her behaviors. It is sad to me, but I don't know any other way for us to be.