Coping with Abandonment Issues

by C. Taylor
(Colorado)

I hate being alone, especially if I had my own place and 2 dogs with me. I feel so alone even though I have some friends and some in my family to talk to. Do not understand this at all. Was raised in an extremely abusive home.

My abuse was limited to emotional and mental, but I saw a lot of physical abuse in addition to the rest my whole life till I left home at 21. I would like to feel comfortable in my own skin when I am living by myself in society.

Ive been to counseling many times but not for this issue. I have grown alot thru the years with my counseling and reading of self help books. They have helped me a lot. Areas of dealing with Family members and communication.

My Father is a Functional Alcoholic. I have 4 Brothers, out of all of them, they have had issues with drugs or alcohol. My oldest Brother committed suicide at 45 with Alcohol. He could not cope anymore with life. The Physical abuse, mental, emotional and sexual abuse from my Father towards him destroyed him as a human. He was a beautiful human and good natured.

My other brothers have been able to get a handle on their issues. I am still struggling with Alcohol issues. I use it to not feel. I find myself tipping toeing everywhere when I dont need to. I feel like theres something wrong with me.

Im close to my Mother and if it wasnt for her love thru the years I would not know it just by my father. My father was raised in Germany during the war and has many emotional issues himself. I understand the parent thing on doing the best they could or doing only what they knew to do.

I would like to have some discussion with those similar to me or would like to know if there are group meetings to go to for abandonment issues. I have more to say, but Im not the best writer. I prefer to talk.

C. Taylor

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Dec 17, 2011
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40 and still have issues
by: Tracie

Hi,Thankyou for your article..I grew up with my mum,alcoholic step dad and 2 sisters.My dad left when mum was preganant with me.
I realized I had abandonment issues a few years ago by the way I dealt with,or didn't deal with relationship break ups,especially if I was being dumped..It caused unbelievable pain,but I had no issues if I was the one doing the dumping..I only felt this way if I had a connection for a guy and noticed I soon developed strong feelings for him.I would often be overcome by fear of losing him even when our relationship was going well..I am 40 and I have had a few serious relationships.I recently met a guy,all was good but he became cold and ignored me after a misunderstanding on the phone.He hung up on me and hasn't replied to my txt's.That was a week ago..I am devastated,so much pain and hurt,to the point I wanted to take my own life.I have been seeing him for a month..This had happened to me only 6 mnths ago with a guy I was seeing for 6mnths,we told each other how much we loved each other,then suddenly he got cold feet and ended it,ignoring me altogether..I do notice when I do really like a guy I get clingy and have fear and anxiety that he will leave me and it often happens...I am beside myself with hurt and need help to overcome these abandonment issues...Please help..

Oct 21, 2011
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To Taylor
by: Angie Carter

Thank you for sharing part of your story. Sounds like you have already done work on yourself- good for you! My condolences to you about your older brother. It is never easy to deal with a situation where someone just cannot see any other way out.
I am glad you have come across this site. It will have a lot of information for you to read about in connection with abandonment. Have you seen the power point presentation on the ICEBERG MODEL yet?
I find that very helpful in laying a foundation so that I can have a good understanding of these issues and how they impacted my life.
Also I attend an ACA meeting (adult child of alcoholics 12-step meeting) It has proven to be VERY helpful for me to meet with others who are working on the same issues.
I hope there is a meeting in your area, I would encourage you to check it out and see if it can help. There may be people for you to talk with there. I also did quite a bit of counseling on this topic with a counselor who could address it.
Keep us posted on your progress! Angie Carter

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