Codependency in Relationships

The addicted individual -- whether addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, rage, food, sex, work, drama, or whatever -- goes through a predictable cycle commonly referred to as the addiction cycle. The above diagram shows how that cycle fits on the Drama Triangle.

If you will notice, there is a counter-clockwise cycle in the inner world of the person and an opposite, clockwise rotation in their outer world as represented by the arrows.

Below is an example of the Inner-Cycle of experience for the addicted person:

• In the Victim Corner the addicted person feels victimized by emotional pain such as loneliness, depression, or anxiety...or by boredom due to emotional numbness... and in the later stages by the physical discomfort of withdrawal symptoms.

  Their brain begins to sort through it's database for solutions and comes up with... you guessed it!... acting-out the addictive behavior. And when the person tries to resist, the subconscious mind applies more pressure to act-out by creating obsessions (unwanted thoughts) followed by compulsion (unwanted behavior).

• In the Rescuer Corner the compulsion is given into as a means of rescuing self from the discomfort. In order for this to occur without adding more discomfort in the form of guilt and shame, the subconscious mind comes to the rescue by creating denial which makes it at least somewhat okay to act-out the addiction -- "this time things will be different!"

• In the Persecutor Corner there is a subconscious... and sometime not so subconscious... inner dialog of persecution for yet another addictive escapade resulting in guilt, shame, and in the later stages, even self-contempt. The inner persecutor demands punishment before things can be made right.

Codependency in Relationships - Outer World

You may notice the outer-cycle of public behavior rotates in the opposite direction of the inner-cycle of self talk -- from Victim to Persecutor to Rescuer and back to Victim again.

Below is an example of the Outer-Cycle of experience for the addicted person:

• In the Victim Corner the addicted person feels victimized by the punishments and controlling behavior of their significant others. Their self talk and denial create these feelings and cause a build-up of tension that translates into a good reason to act-out their addictive behavior.

• In the Persecutor Corner the addicted person's negative consequences affect everyone close to the them. These persecutions may be social (e.g. embarrassment & humiliation), emotional (e.g., worry & depression), physical (migraines , ulcers), and financial (e.g., legal fees, fines, blown money), just to name a few.

• In the Rescuer Corner There is typically significant codependency in relationships with parents, children, spouses, siblings, employers, friends, and clergy. They can all play the Rescuers as they try unsuccessfully to "get through" to the addicted person by bailing them out of trouble, loaning them money, making excuses and covering up the problems.

  And, of course, the addicted person also enters the Rescue efforts by promising to control his/her behavior and goes into a "too good to be true" phase that doesn't last once penance is paid and forgiveness is given.

  Rescuing in this scenario is called enabling behavior because it enables the person to avoid pain... the very pain that may have helped them hit bottom sooner and reach-out for help.