child abandoned by mother

by lori knoll
(reading pa usa)

my grand daughter was 3 years old when abandoned by her mother I have raised her since then she is now 8. She sees her mother once a month. Her mother remarried and has 2 new children. Kaitlyn thinks her mother is wonderful. Her mother shows her no affection. Kaitlyn needs constant attention from me. She gets angry fast and has a hard time making and keeping friends. My heart goes out to this little girl who is so pretty and so intelligent. Sometimes, I think it would be better if she does not see her mother at all, the pain it must cause to see her mom take care of these other children plus her step children and not Kaitlyn.

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Jul 12, 2012
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Good luck
by: Anonymous

My mother left when I was a baby and I would struggle with the implications of that for the next quarter of a century. It took my first messy relationship to wake up and really understand the scars and the developmental problems this caused. I really recommend counselling early on if possible and things like yoga and being in nature a lot. Good luck to you and Kaytlin.

Aug 30, 2011
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Sad...
by: Anonymous

That is a sad thing for Kaitlyn and a catch 22...she is going to suffer either way, whether she sees her mom or not. All you can do is meet her needs and help her make true decisions about how to interpret her mom's lack of affection.

Children tend to idealize their parents which leave them in the position of thinking they themselves are at fault for not getting what they need. They usually cannot even put this into words until they are much older, so it doesn't help to talk to them directly about it...

What is good is for them to hear you attributing things to them that can boost their self esteem. Like saying to a friend when Kaitlyn is within ear shot. "Kaitlyn is such a wonderful and lovable girl... She is very smart and is getting better and better at telling me how she feels about things...isn't that right Kaitlyn?"

The "...isn't that right, dear?" is a tag question that one cannot help but say yes to. When they do, the subconscious mind has a chance to take it in or reject it. And you know what they say, "When you hear something over and over again, you eventually tend to believe it."

Blessings to you both,
Don

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