Call Aunty Vi

by Isobella
(Cardiff)

I am 64 and still find it hard to comprehend my mother and father's pure neglect towards myself and my three siblings. I never did and still don't feel that my parents were good parents. I seem to know at a very young age that our suffering was due to two very selfish people.

I knew that my father needed to stop being a compulsive gambler and drunk and that my mother was very week and not very interested in us - yet I absolutely adored her. I never once thought it was our fault. I knew they were seriously lacking parental abilities. Yet I read that children tend to blame themselves initially.

My upbringing has cause enormous difficulties for all four of us. I am convinced that had we have decent parents we would all have gone far - we were traumatised, with stunted grow due to lack of love - and that is basically what is it - some people are not able to love their children as much as they love themselves.

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Sep 02, 2010
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And love is a verb...
by: Don

Hi Isobelle,

Yes some people did not get to take Parenting 101 in school. In fact, they did not get much of anything they needed in order to be good at parenting.

Love is a verb, an action word. When one did not get the love and support during their developmental years they can feel stuck. But with effort and a strong commitment to learn about overcoming abandonment issues, they can heal and resume growth. That's what recovery is about.

I hope your recovery is going well!

Don Carter

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