Breaking the enabling cycle

by Monica

I'm a recovered addict with an incredibly enabling mother. She raised my kids for a little while when I was using. She was just letting them run wild and run the house. I don't do things the way she does them so when they I took them back it took a while for the kids to adjust to rules and boundaries but they their behavior is 90% better now. Her behavior is not much better at all despite many talks and arguments about how I am trying to raise them. I've had them back for many years now and only let them stay with her a few nights out of the month. If one of them are in trouble for something they absolutely can't go over there because she will not uphold any sort of consequences that I have imposed, such as no computer and stuff like that. I almost don't want to let them spend the night over there at all. I believe my mom is a shopping addict (no joke). She buys them so much stuff that there is not enough room at my house or hers for it all so I asked her not to buy them anything at all. She buy's stuff for them anyway. If one of them does something wrong she does nothing. There's so much more but i'll spare the rest of the details. Really I let them go over there for 2 reasons. 1 my kids love my mom and step-dad, 2 it's the only break I get. I'm very frustrated and need some advice from someone besides my husband. How do I handle this when I feel I'm done talking to her.