Bipolar husband adjusting to meds

by Heather
(JC, MO)

Hi. My bipolar husband is being SUPER LAZY and has not been back to work since a mandatory hospital stay in mid November. He's been adjusting to the diagnosis of being bipolar. I have in the past been codependent and currently have pulled away and "detached." He has never really been truly helpful around the house but right now it is the worst.

I have many health issues and a very bad back that flares and stress doesn't help. I am trying to learn and educate myself on illness and not focus on whether or not he makes any changes or seeks any help. Tough as you know.

We have 2 daughters. One just turned 4 and the other 5, and my son 14 that live here. I have a 17 year old that lives with his dad. We live in a small apartment and as you know there is much to do. He wont' do anything except for a few times a week.

I am so frustrated and trying to learn that I need to change how I react to his doing nothing and not to be passive aggressive in my reaction because he refuses to get off the couch. I don't like him at all.

I need a support group that understands and can help me learn and deal with a bipolar loved one. I talk often with the NAMI people. lol But there seems to be nothing and nobody close that can help. NAMI doesn't have a class until spring if they can find a teacher.

We have met and I am not sure if you know who I am...This is Heather. You know my in laws as well.

I try to ask kindly and straightforward if he would be willing to do whichever chore it is I need done at the time. I often vary the chore to see which one I ask to see if I can find something he will do. He always says no. His distorted perception is that he does help. He says he dusts, vacuum and picks up everyday. WOW. So far from reality my son was shocked. My son does a lot to help and has traded roles sadly with his step dad.

Where can I get help. I use my insurance to see a counselor. It helps I guess. I need better help. I am progressing and learning and I learned from someone at a group class that you have to work each step in it's own time before progressing to the next. I think I am trying to figure out the sanity level. Any suggestions? Since I am not sure how to navigate back to this forum, if you feel willing and able to write back, my email is itscrazyhere@live.com

Thanks in advance. And I greatly appreciate this site as it has been very informative.

Heather