Being The Step Parent of a Spoiled 17 Year Old

by Mike K
(Virginia)

My wife and I have been married since April, 2008. She has a son, now 17, still living at home with us. When we first talked about marriage we agreed we would wait until her son graduated high school.

I own a home in one county and she rented a home in an adjoining county at the time. She had promised her son she would not move him again, as she and her ex had moved several times during the years before we met. I have two grown children not living at home.

Having made many mistakes with my own children I was not anxious to take on the role of step parent to a teen who already exhibited signs of being spoiled, immature, and unconcerned with becoming ready to be self-reliant. For different reasons, both family-related and economic, we moved up our wedding date.

Since my wife and step son moved into our home he and I have butted heads more frequently. My wife and I had a very open and easy communication with one another except when it came to situations involving her son. While we eventually worked through many of the situations, lately I am finding it more difficult to voice my concerns about what I see as his weaknesses and continuing lack of desire to prepare in any meaningful way to assume the mantle of adult.

I see we are at a crossroads in our relationship and marriage. I believe we have the devotion to each other, to ourselves, and to our marriage to make things work out but I am at a low point mostly due to the trouble I am having in voicing my concerns without making them come out like attacks on her parenting skills. I don't have any close friends to talk these concerns over with so here I am.

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Jun 26, 2017
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My fiance has no clue what she is doing to her son! NEW
by: OVER IT

My fiancé and I have been together for two years now. She has a 13 year old son, and I have a 6 year old daughter. My fiancé spoils her son to no end. ANYTHING he wants, she moves heaven and earth to get for him. She doesn't see just how much of a spoiled brat he is becoming because of this. This past mothers day, I had to buy him a card to give to her (not unusual for a kid his age), but of course, I couldn't even get him to say thank you for it. A year and a half ago I got him a cellphone on my plan (his mother begged me to do it as she doesn't have a bank account). In the 2 years that she and I have been together, he has lost his first phone, then the phone I got him, he had it for 6 months when he broke it, and then 6 months after I pay a couple hundred dollars to fix it for him, he losses it. Now, today, his mother calls me, she and he are at the store and wanted my account information so that she could get him another phone to put on to MY account! Without asking me, or checking with me about it! Thankfully I was a month behind on my bill, so she couldn't do it (I have never been more happy to be late on a bill before). He has shown, time and again, that he is NOT responsible enough to handle a phone (he is 13, so I don't know how much I blame him for that part), however the fact that he snaps his fingers and says "Mom, I want..." and she does whatever it takes to kiss his butt and give him everything he wants, not NEEDS but wants, makes me sick. I see so many parents these days complain about the brat kids they see, but then they turn around and do crap like this, and then wonder why their kids can never leave home when they get out of school, or even know how to tie their own shoes!?

Apr 04, 2017
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Im thinking of getting a divorce and taking my girls with me
by: Anonymous

Ok so during spring break we were suppose to go to a lake cabin for the whole week but we didn't go because my ungreatful spoiled and step daughter didn't want to so the rest of us had to suffer because of her my wife said we can't go she doesn't want to go she rather spend me and her time which that means shopping getting hair and nails done so I said cool me and my girls and son pack our bags and went to the coast for the week I really didn't give a shit at this point we had a blast swimming and fishing and site seeing when we got home that night I sat on the couch and started watching TV she got home from her boyfriends she came and started yelling and talking shit to my girls I got pissed we got in to an argument I went outside to cool off and smoke a cigarette and came back and started watching TV again and she started bitching and complaining that she wanted to watch the TV in the living room and I got pissed again I was like come on you don't do shit around here so I don't give a fuck what you say the next day everyone left to work and school I came home early and caught her and her bf having sex in the living room I whooped her bf ass and hers she called her mom we got into an argument and I left I'm staying at my brothers house I been doing a lot of thinking and I made up my mind I'm filling for a divorce I can't do this anymore I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep my girls I'll be damn if they turn out like her the other day my ex asked of we could work it out I said he'll no I'm done with this bs I'm not gonna do this anymore

Apr 04, 2017
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Since my last commment
by: Anonymous

Since I made my last comment, I have distanced myself from the kids. I no longer even try to interact with them, I don't do things for them anymore NOTHING! I let there dad worry about cooking for them and cleaning the messes they make! I have removed myself from caring what so ever, he wants them to eat nothing but junk and have root canals, so be it! He wants them to wet the bed until they are 18 and no shower so be it!! NO MY MONKEY NOT MY CIRCUS!! I no longer care! I do things with my boyfriend that do not include them. I don't talk to him about them or go places with them AT ALL!! I come home and do my thing and he knows he is cooking when the kids are there because I AM NOT. He is cleaning when the kids are there BECAUSE I AM NOT! It has been WAY easier for me since I just let him and there mom deal with the brats and I live my way for myself when they are there. He has gotten the hint because my boyfriend no longer talks about the kids with me at all or tells me what they do. I have made it clear (non verbally) that I do not care! So since then we are all much better off and the situation can at least be tolerated. His oldest sits in his room playing video games 8 hours a day and I no longer care, if he wants his son to be obese and a lazy turd well, then, have at it!! Least if he is in there he is not bugging us! His youngest is the REAL issue though, SPOILED with a capitol S!! Has no limits put on him, talks NON STOP and is in everyone's way all the time. He has been a little more tricky to ignore and stay away from, but I have sent the hint to him also non verbally, that I am not interested in him or what he has to say I am there for his dad and that is it!!

This past weekend was NOT our weekend with his kids, it was his oldests birthday party that was set up at some pizza/game place and she invited his dad(mainly because she wanted his help paying for it) but we did not go. His dad and I already gave him our gifts and took him to his favorite spot to eat on OUR weekend with him. So his dad said NOPE we are not going. But his mom invited my boyfriends adult sons, and my boyfriends parents!! My boyfriend was not happy about that because his family was trying to guilt trip him into going and gave him guilt about no going! His ex pulls that kind of crap often!

So even though I have distanced myself from the kids, taken some stress off myself and found a middle ground, I STILL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH DRAMA AND BULL CRAP BECAUSE OF THESE DAMN KIDS!! Both of them are I WANT I WANT I WANT ALL THE DAMN TIME! We cannot move where we really want to because "he has to stay close for the kids" and to me that is crap. There are lots of kids who travel for summer vacations to see their parents in other states. It is not like they are 4 and 5 years old anymore...they are teenagers!! That is the #1 unnerving thing for me is he treats them like they are 5 yrs old when they are friggin teens!!

Apr 03, 2017
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I can relate
by: Anonymous

I can relate to your story. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He has a 16 year old daughter, I have no kids because I've never wanted them. We knew this information about each other after our first date. About 3 months ago, we found out that his ex had gotten herself thrown in jail for 45 days because of her own stupidity and because of that, his daughter had to come live us and I am not happy about it. The whole time we've been together, she has basically ignored me and would barely speak to me and now I'm stuck with her in my home! I even told him before she moved in that she didn't like me but he kept telling me she did. BS! She's only been with us for just over a month but it's taking a tole on our relationship already. My boyfriend feels guilty because of the situation she was in but NOBODY knew what was going on because she didn't tell anyone. She hides in her room every day until her dad comes home, which is kind of a blessing cause I don't want her around me. She's beyond lazy, doesn't help out with anything around the house and stares at her phone all day but will my boyfriend do anything about it...nope! He knows how stressed I am and our home is tense. The biggest problem I'm having is that I don't know how to talk to him about it because he gets really defensive. I mean, how dare someone say something negative about his little angel! I don't know. The two of us have built a life together. It hasn't been all sunshine and roses every day but we generally get along really well, that is until this fiasco. How am I supposed to make it through 2 more years when she graduates high school and leaves? And yes, she will be leaving after she graduates!

Feb 16, 2017
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Its fustrating isnt it lol
by: Anonymous

I know where your coming from I mean my daughters are 10 and 11 and when I'm cooking they love to help me I mean they know how to cook a few things by themselves (with my supervision) and my step daughter can even make some Roman noodles without burning them or make anything without burning it and my daughters will come home from school and pick up their room and the living room and feed their pets and my step daughters room looks like a pig stall it's really annoying I tell my wife but it goes thru one year and out the other her and her family are constantly making up excuses for her it's frustrating and annoying my mom even stepped in and tries saying something and my step daughter was ver disrespectful all my mom said you say you want to go to college out of state well guess what mommy and daddy aren't gonna be there to cook and clean for you so maybe you should lean to provide for yourself and she was very disrespectful towards my mom and that was disrespectful towards me o offered to teach her how to cook but she just wants to be on her damn phone or sitting down watching TV the I have even take her TV and phone away and she gets worse my 10 and 11 yr old or even my 7 yr old don't throw fits and whines like she does it's getting to the point where I'm considering a divorce and thinking of fighting for full custody of my girls I'm the type of father I guess u can say old school because I'm trying to teach my daughters not to depend on a man or anyone I'm try to teach them to be independent they can feed and clean up after themselves and they take care of their responsibilities and I was shocked and disappointed and mad because a few days a ago my 11 yr old was teaching my step daughter how to make herself something to eat I was like are you kidding me

Feb 16, 2017
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My step daughter is something else
by: Anonymous

I have a 17 year old step daughter with daddy issues we believe it cause her dad was never in her life till she was like 14 maybe me and her mom have been together for about 5 years when I first met me we had a good relationship everything was good but when her dad came into her life I was just a money machine and basically a cab driver but eventually I said I'm not going to buy your love so stop driving her around like I used to and stopped giving her money she doesn't want to clean her room help around the house and she acts like she's too good for everything she dates a different guy every other month and there all low life young punks me and her father have gotten into physical confrontations because he tried assaulting my wife she has a son as well with this guy which is my 17 yr old step daughter brother and his really close to me he hates going over to his dad he rather stays home with us even of were just gonna be at home and watch TV all day or work around the house he will still be like I'm staying here I'm not going and she makes a big deal about it what pisses me off the most is when we all go somewhere she constantly whinning let's go already I want to go like she 5 years old it's embarrassing she tries to act like she's from the hood or whatever but we live in a upscale neighborhood it's ridiculous what really gets to me is how she treats my kids she acts like there nobody and she a jerk to them all the time she doesn't respect them and me and my wife think it's because she's jealous because I have always been there for my kids and her dad was never there he would call and say his picking them up for the weekend and would never show up I spent a lot of time with my kids and I try to make it to every single game and play and even with my step son and step daughter I have I have been to majority of there games and extra curricular activities but anyways I have told my wife to talk to her or let's go to family counseling and she's never done it so it's up to the point where I'm just considering a divorce any ideas or thoughts let me know thank you for reading my story

Feb 14, 2017
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I am also unhappy with the "step kids"
by: Close to the same boat

My boyfriend and I live together. Been together over 2 years and he has 2 boys, ages 12 and 14. They are with us every other weekend and for afew hrs (until 8 pm) on school nights Tues and Thurs. I am at my wits end and we do not even have them full time! I do not know what else to do or say at this point. I love my boyfriend to death but his kids make me crazy! My children are grown and gone. These kids were the "mistake" children he had with his ex wife who cheated. She was younger than him so she wanted kids, he already had kids and did not really want any more. So his ex cheated, she is still together with the man she cheated with and the boys live with them more than they are with us. He has told me he never wanted them and really only takes them because he does not want her to come after him for child support. They apparently have an agreement if he helps with clothes, shoes etc and takes them on agreed days she wont come after him. I NEED HELP because they are making me CRAZY!! He feeds them garbage food, they literally live on fried foods, chips, candy, soda, sugar and grease!! Even though his 14 year old is EXTREMELY OVER WEIGHT, OBESE!! His 12 yr old has to have root canals done at the dentist and cavities constantly because they eat sugar all the time and will go 3-4 days with out brushing their teeth! I noticed the tooth brushes they had at our home looked brand new still after a year of having them and obviously they are not brushing their teeth, so I say something to their dad and he said " you just love getting them in trouble, don't you?" My jaw dropped!! Is he serious!?!?! As a parent is he not concerned!! His youngest went an entire 3 days with out even showering because he is "afraid of our shower" AT 11 HE IS AFRAID!!?? WHAT!?!?! My boyfriends OLDEST son who is starting high school WETS THE BED, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!! Even at his mom's house he does this!! I have tried to talk sense into him, enforce bed times of some sort, enforce better eating habits and not drinking right before bedtime (but with out a bed time that one is impossible) His children are unruly, have no limits, talk how they want, act how they want with no punishments of any sort, they are rude, inconsiderate, spoiled, selfish little twats and if I DARE say anything then I am the mean one and the bad guy! I am at a loss!! I do not know what else to do, I cannot take it anymore and I cannot even talk to him about it with out it being turned on me!! He wants to be their friend in stead of a damn father!!


Jan 10, 2017
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Don't know what to do
by: Ash

I have dated men with kids before..usualy young..i havebeen with my boyfriend for a year and a half.. He has a 19 year old daughter that lives with us..i have a now 3 year old..i got them to stop smoking pot which seemed okay..but he seems more determined to be his daughter's friend than a parent.mat thia point she has not talked to either one of us in months..cooks and does not clean her dishes..has a job and almost a year salery saved for a job..i have given her a brand new lap top because she came down here "for school" but cant even be bothered to fill out a fasfa..after a year of no bulls and working for a cadhas no car...leaves tv and everything on while she is at work...pays no bills not even her phone...but i say one thing to bf and he acts like i am talking crap about her..she has made herself a recluse and he says she is just like him and dosent need to talk or interact with anyone...making me feel as if i am just a nuisance in his life...i am worried her spoiled no rules im too good for everyone attitude will rub off on my 3 year old ..it is hard to tella toddler that someone dosen't like them anymore...i discipline my child she has more respect that the 19yo...it wasn't always like this and my bf said himself that she takes out his crappy past relationships and how other woman trated her out on me...no i am not perfect and i have made mistakes "saying things wrong when it came to the pot around my young impressionable child"..but at this point she should pay rent or leave...he said if she ever left he would...i understand cuz my child always comes first too..but how do i talk go him about my concerns without him flipping out or taking it wrong???Sould i just let him go if it comes to that? I give him fatherly raign over my kid but she is so young does that make a difference???

Jan 06, 2017
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Been There
by: Anonymous

Your husband is choosing his son over you. I've been down this road...not a good ending for me. You need to insist upon counseling for you and your husband so that you're on the same page regarding parenting. Have counselor explicitly spell out chores, consequences, expected behavior, etc. Communicate with your husband regarding his son and his performance versus those metrics. Be a united front. If husband refuses counseling and the advice then walk out. Otherwise the situation will never change and you will always come second.

Jan 06, 2017
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I don't know what else to do
by: Anonymous

My husband is amazing....to me and everyone around us. He's extremely giving and has an incredible work ethic. We have a fantastic relationship except when his son is around. Sometimes we do when his son is around but it's getting harder every day for me. Last night I had had enough. My stepson is a fun loving neat kid. He's 16, overweight to some degree and completely unmotivated, lacks manners or respect for anyone including himself and most of all his dad. He wears the best clothes and has more than he or I ever would've dreamed of at his age. He got his license in August and the one stipulation was he get a job within 2 months. That's completely fair. He never even tried to get a job. His grades are barely average, he has no chores and if I even bring up asking him to do the dishes or something on his Christmas break, sprink break or summer break it's a fight between my husband and me. Last night I'd had enough and asked my husband if he had talked to him about getting a job and he got irate. Saying he wasn't going to make him mad so that he'd run to his moms house and he wouldn't get to see him as often. It's not worth the fight. I completely disagree! Its more important to fight the fight to make him a better person than have him peacefully laying his lazy butt on our couch. He has 0 responsibility. He's supposed to wash his clothes and take out the trash. He hasn't washed his clothes in a month and the other day took all my candles and put them in his room because it smells so bad and refuses to sleep with sheets on the bed so he won't have to make the bed. I'm almost at my wits end. My husband and I aren't currently talking because he thinks that I'm out of line being so outspoken on the subject of his son working. I'm just not sure where to go next. I have no desire to leave but I don't want to feel like my opinion means nothing and end up with a 20 year old man living with us because he was properly taught to take care of himself at a reasonable age. HELP!

Dec 31, 2016
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Damn some you guys are shitty
by: Anonymous

Teenagers will always go through hormonal changes and do stupid things because the world is new. For most teens it's just a faze. My grandparents owned a foster home I watched teenagers come in and out all the time. A lot of the things some of you guys mentioned is not surprising. A lot of them did crazy things and was moody. But they all grew out of it and they always come back. Teenage yrs is the awkward year were a lot of transitioning and change goes on in finding yourself. Is it pleasant? Not always. But a teen dealing with a new change and step parent makes it a lot harder. Teens usually grow up. Most people have to make mistakes be immature to become wise. As a step parent and one who has had step parents and been around teenagers. You have to understand a teenager is a child transitioning into amy adult. (Like that awkward toddler faze) But most importantly when you marry your spouse you marry the children and should be a good role model on them. You can't marry someone with kids and expect them to remove their children. That is wrong. That is alienating that child and makes it a lot worse. If you don't like children do not be with someone who has children.

Dec 23, 2016
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I see trouble in my future
by: Lucy

First, thanks to all who have shared. I think I may be in a troublesome situation. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for one year. He had a 17 year old son who lives with him 80% of the time.

Dec 14, 2016
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To: "Is it time to leave?"
by: Anonymous

I have a similar situation, maybe my perspective will help. I am finally divorced and my girlfriend moved to town a few years ago. We didn't live together at first, but now we do.I have two sons, 18 and 20 and their mom poisoned the well, but ultimately it did not work. They like her, but she doesn't believe that. We all agreed that she would not be their mom, more like a cool aunt.Are the boys perfect? No, but they try and she doesn't recognize that, which saddens me. She agreed to not be their maid, insists on being one anyway, then gets angry that she is their maid. She is an amazing cook, the boys love her food and she has baked birthday cakes too until one boy's birthday a few months ago and mine just recently. When the boys are over, she usually cooks a meal, then goes to our bedroom while we eat. She acts like she does not understand the difference between romantic love between a man and a woman, and the love that a father feels for his sons. She has confided in other men, posted on forums and maybe she is ready to leave, like you are. I want to grow old with her, but reading all of this kills me. I see the writing on the wall, but I don't want to believe it. I would advise you if you love him, stay. If you don't, then don't drag it out.

Dec 11, 2016
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Same situation
by: Shawn

Mike, I soon hear ya. I am in a very similar situation. So similar its scary. My wife and I have been married since 2006, and she came with a 4 year old son whom I adored. He was spoiled but it was understandable and I could deal with it. Otherwise we got along great. I did everything for him, I helped him with school, gave him advice. I would even lay down with him at night because he was scared of monsters in the closet. His father is still in his life now, so It's a bit different situation than normal. he would take him a few days out of the week and we would have him the rest. No court order for himself, and my wife. Well my wife and I had a beautiful daughter 3 about two years later. Greatest moment of my life. Well things were still fine up until he got into high school. Then being spoiled wasn't the only problem. he just became a sarcastic, smart ass, spoiled, swearing teenager. All he cares about is videos games, and playing them online with his friends. He is a slob, food left in his room for days, clothes everywhere,. he tosses his jacket wherever he feels and his shoes the same. He talks down to my daughter, and that has to be one of the worst thing I'm dealing with. I have spoken to him about it and he just rubs it off as to say "whatever". Now I know teens are gonna be teens. I wasn't perfect in my teen years, but he just rubs me the wrong way. When he comes over and I hear his voice, I get a lump in my throat. I fee, and I don't like to use this, but that I hate him. I could care less if I ever saw him again. Now I don't wish harm on anyone, not even my worst enemy, but besides that, anything goes. I have never screamed at him, nor raise my hand. Its awkward when he is here and everyone knows. he. Its just a matter of time until we but heads really bad. It effects my marriage because understandably my wife takes his side every time. i don't know what to do. I feel its a dead end me my life. So I feel your pain. Advice is welcome.

Nov 27, 2016
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My 16 year old son has no discipline
by: Anonymous

My fiance says my 16 year old son has no discipline, and that he does what he wants. My fiance is a wonderful man and doesn't say anything to him, cuz he doesn't want to hurt me but I know it's tearing him inside. I don't know what to do. I love him very much, but my son is in the wrong. I've talked to him and all he says is I'm sorry mom.

Nov 04, 2016
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Frustrated...Again
by: Anonymous

Well, I thought things were better as the oldest moved out but it really seems that it is not. I struggle so much with behaviours, morals, values in this house that I'm going to have to make a final decision soon.
The 16 year old was reported by someone to the police for racing his buddy and driving on the wrong side of the road and was ticketed. Instead of accepting his consequence for his actions he's going to start reporting others since he got caught. I asked him what he would get out of that and perhaps it would be better if he learned from his mistake and moved on. But no, he's going to carry on with his plan. The unfortunate thing is, he's only behaving like his dad. I keep trying to bring positive thoughts into this house but I'm met with sarcasm and being made fun of because of my beliefs. The boy has the money to pay his fine but has no desire or need to get a job that is consistent. He gets $240.00 a month allowance for doing nothing, his mother pays for his gas and insurance. They're not helping him by doing that and it drives me crazy to see him laying around watching trailer park boys. What a waste.
I'm sorry I'm ranting but I'm just frustrated.
Even though I love his Dad, I'm beginning to believe that we are not compatible. I can't continue to turn a blind eye to things I don't agree with. I truly believe the boy's behaviours are his parents fault. They haven't instilled morals or values in him, his personal hygiene is horrible, ( he hasn't brushed his teeth since July when I made a dentist appointment for him) It's time to step aside and move on.

Nov 02, 2016
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To: I Can't Do This Any More
by: Angie Carter

Well I understand your frustration but it can help to also understand that "a couple of sessions" are probably not going to produce a whole lot of change that remains constant.
If she was open to the idea of counseling that is a good thing! Sometimes people have "parts" of themselves that object heavily to outside counsel and any notion of changing...sometimes it is fear, whether it be rational or irrational. Sometimes there is a deeply seated belief that if change occurs then a certain outcome will happen and it won't be good. The list can go on and on.
One thing I do in my sessions is get to the core of the behavior and what is driving it. Sometimes people have belief systems in place that were created long ago and those belief systems are what guides a person into acting a certain way.
Uncovering and discovering what the inner landscape is made up of (beliefs, values, scripts we operate from...) can be VERY beneficial in helping a person understand WHY they behave in a certain way.
Sometimes what we THINK we believe about ourselves and the world around us is very different than what is actually in the actual subconscious belief system.
That is why parts work is so important - it drills down to the inner landscape and assists a person in sorting out their different 'parts' and finding out what is really in their belief system about who and what they are.
Don't give up on counseling! Find someone you can trust that knows how to do parts work and see if it doesn't help.
My husband and I also counsel by phone if you can't find someone that you feel can assist you.
Best Regards, Angie Carter

Oct 31, 2016
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Wife Needs to Get in Board
by: Anonymous

Hi Mike-

Sorry to hear you're having difficulties. I was in a worse situation with my girlfriend: her 15 year old son-now 17-refused to acknowledge my existence except to vandalize my car, call the police on me, punch me during an argument, etc. You need to take a hard look at the BM and ask yourself if she will discipline/seek counseling for her son. If not then you are in for a long road. If she is willing to but doesn't know how then perhaps you could advise her on what to do. Regardless the two of you need to be a united front. She needs to put the family as a whole first, not just her son. If you are increasingly marginalized and pushed out of the picture as I was, then the three of you need to get to counseling asap.

Oct 31, 2016
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To Angie Carter
by: I can't do this anymore.

Earlier this year she and I tried couples counseling. It seemed like it was working, however she, my fiancé, has zero follow through. She would say that she would try this, that and the other, but never would. As far as me being controlling, she would probably say that I am. However, the things I am trying to be controlling over are things such as her son (obviously) and us keeping the house clean and free from bugs and rodents (things neither she nor her son seem to care about). I am not a neat freak by any means, however we now have my 6 year daughter living with us and I want to give her a good home to live in. And, even if my daughter wasn't living with us, I would still not be able to tolerate these things. I have tried, so many, many times, to talk to her about things like keeping our house clean, and the issues I see with her son, and those issues with him only getting worse as he gets older. I don't know if she just doesn't see what the problem is, or if she is too lazy to deal with these issues, or too weak to deal with her son (based on everything I have seen from her, I am thinking she is just simply too lazy), but I have expressed to her my concerns, many times, and am now on anti-anxiety medication for the first time in my life because of things going on at home. I know she loves me, and I do feel that she thinks these issues that I have are legit and something needs to be done about them, but, again, she has zero follow through.

Oct 31, 2016
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To I can't do this anymore....
by: Angie Carter

Well it sounds as if there is a lot more going on here than what is on the surface. You are right, this is unacceptable. Something is needing "tended to" concerning your fiance' and her son. That is a lot of missed days of school.
Does she believe there is a problem? Is she willing to talk to someone about it?
Unfortunately you can't control another person, you can only control your behaviors to someone's else actions.
You might suggest that if the 'whole family' doesn't get into some type of counseling then you are considering your options about your future.
You do not have to accept the unacceptable, especially if it is causes you great distress.
Does she feel you are trying to be controlling? (it doesn't sound like you are but you never know how another person processes these things...) Will she have a conversation with you about what is at stake?
I hope that she will choose to join you in talking with someone that can help sort this out. Good luck, Angie Carter

Oct 31, 2016
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I can't do this anymore.
by: Enough is enough

My fiancé has a 12 year old son, and she allows him to do whatever he wants. Last school year he missed SEVERAL days (more than 40), and for the life of me I am not sure why the police weren't after her for letting him miss so much time. This school year, I told them (my fiancé and her son), that anytime he misses school, for ANY reason (because I will no longer believe that he is sick) that I will turn off the internet connection to any/all of his devises. As a result, I just found out this morning, my fiancé has been keeping it a secret from me when she lets him stay home. Why do I have to fight him and her when it comes to parenting HER son!? I told her this morning that I thought of this as the same thing as lying to me. She tried to tell me that because I didn't ask, she didn't tell me, and therefore she didn't lie. I will never understand why a parent would allow a child to do this. He is spoiled rotten, sits around doing nothing, doesn't want to earn money with an allowance because that would require him to do choirs around the house. He'd rather sit on his butt as he knows his mom will get him anything he wants. I think this is going to be the end of our relationship. For her to lie to me about this, it's just getting to be too much.

Oct 31, 2016
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To Idle Stepson of 29
by: Angie Carter

Well it would be such a shame if his behavior causes a wedge between you and your wife (and sounds like is). I do understand it though.
His behavior is unacceptable. Sometimes young people will not do what they need to do simply because it's not required of them. In some cases there are deeper issues, like depression or even something else. But it would be up to him to seek out help and address the problem (if he is willing). We cannot help people who refuse to at least meet someone half way.
But I wonder if your wife would be willing to counsel with someone to try and get to the root of her issue in not setting boundaries for what is acceptable and unacceptable? (Is his behavior, while living in her/your house, indeed unacceptable to her? That would be the place to start. Figuring out what is allowable and what is expected from him) Angie C.

Oct 31, 2016
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Idle stepson of 29
by: Michael

When I met my wife, she was living in London with her two late teenage children, a daughter and son.They are both bright children, and like my own, went off to university.

My future wife then moved to my home in the Shires. My daughter was at university in London and upon graduating stayed there and worked in central London. My son came back from university for a while and eventually moved into his own flat, sharing with friends. My step daughter met her future husband at university and they now work overseas.

My step son, now 29 years of age went to university, failed his third year, but eventually graduated with an ordinary degree. he moved back here and spent around 95% of his time over the following 18 months in his bedroom,never rising before 3pm or 4pm, and only showing his face to eat.

We eventually found him a job with a friend, in a call centre, and he applied himself to this for around 12 months before going off travelling. We now understand he spent a lot of time staying with his sister, who said that he spent a lot of time sleeping!

He returned and found a job in a pub, which lasted a year or so, but then he moved back in with us, and for the last 18 months he has been totally idle. He spends all day in bed and seems to have no sense of guilt or duty, blithely living off his mother and I, and failing to offer any form of contribution - quite shameless.

My wife has suggested to him that he needs to get some help with his problems, but he just say he wants to sort it out himself.

I stay out of this pretty much completely, but I know my wife is deeply worried about her feckless son.

I draw no comfort from the fact that this condition seems common throughout British society, and it always seems to be the men who are the problem.

I don't know how much longer this is all likely to go on for, but I do know that this young(ish) man is unlikely to cut the mustard in this modern competitive society, particularly with very hungry, very bright youngsters coming here from Europe - he's bright, pleasant, rational and in so many ways, a good decent human being, but he is useless.

I strongly suspect that it will all end in divorce, purely because I am not prepared to sacrifice my life on the alter of a man who has no drive, no ambition, no sense of duty, no conscience and no shame, and who seems perfectly content for us to suffer the consequences of his condition, without seeking external help. It's sad, but I suspect this will be the case with many thousands of people in my position.

Oct 19, 2016
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Being the parent of a step child - not an easy task
by: Angie Carter

Blended families can create a host of difficult situations. One in particular that can be quite stressful is when the adult child (or almost adult child) lives in the home but seems to lack motivation to help out or move in the direction of being self sufficient.

I have quite a few clients on my caseload that are step parents or even biological parents of these young adults.

There are a couple of 'common thread' issues that I have observed in these cases.

1) One parent is overly involved on an emotional level with the young adult and seems to have an exaggerated focus on that person's life.

2) Sometimes the parent is afraid or anxious about making the young adult angry (or depressed as the case may be) by talking about the responsibilities they need to take care of.

3) Sometimes the parent does not really believe that the young adult is capable of such responsibilities either because they have gotten themselves in a jam and had to come back home or they have never spread their wings and left the home yet. The litany of excuses for this is far and wide.

4) Often there are many arguments, fights, threats and attempts to punish or implement consequences, but usually the follow thru on these are weak or non-existent.

These things usually end creating a belief in the young adult,

a) I can't take care of myself or my responsibilities because it's too hard - they do not have faith in me therefore I have no faith in myself (this lack of faith in the adult young is demonstrated by enabling them and picking up the pieces of their life and fixing it for them)

b) I don't have to take care of my responsibilities because eventually someone else will (all I have to do is listen to a bunch of nagging, threats, anger etc...)

When there I situations like this I usually begin by counseling with the parent that is hooked in emotionally and the one who is enabling. It is a process, but nothing changes if nothing changes. There is a way to navigate these situations but it is not an over night fix. Best of willingness to those who are going through that they will reach out for support and help.

Angie Carter

Oct 16, 2016
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to My teenage son is ruining my relationship...
by: Don

Hello Anonymous,

When you said: "I am so done with this behaviour. I feel like a doormat. My partner always threatens they will move out and find somewhere else to live. The thing is, its got that bad I am secretly hoping they do!" ... Did you mean that? If so, have you thought of asking them to go ahead and move out? If they say they don't want to do that, maybe their other option can be go to counseling with you to try to work things out. If they refuse, at least you gave them an option.

Just my thoughts,
Don Carter

Oct 16, 2016
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17 year old risky and obnoxious behavior
by: Anonymous

We are having difficulty with our 17 year old son. On the plus side, he does go to school, do his own laundry, and though his grades are not great, he is still going. He has, in the last, exhibited thoughtful awareness of others' needs. The last few months, though, we don't recognize him. He stays out late, smokes, weed, and comes home when and if he wants to. We have thought of taking his phone (which we pay for) but not convinced that will have an impact. His language is verbally abusive and he rationalizes everything or outright lies if it serves his purpose. The worst recemt choice was to grab the keys to one of our cars and drive it without permission, legal or parental. He does not have a permit yet. If he does that again, we have assured him we will call police. At times he is cruel and taunting, for example, playing his rap music as loud as he can, while one parent is trying to recover from a migraine headache. We don't like him at all, even while we love him. He is arrogant, selfish and lies constantly. We feel held hostage by his rages and unpredictable behavior. He wants to be treated like a young adult, but is not able or willing to step up his responsibility and consistency. So we end up making more and more rules. And he gets more and more outraged that we have any rules at all. Thanks for listening

Sep 22, 2016
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My Teenage Stepson is ruining my relationship
by: Anonymous

I am in my 20s and have a 15 year old steppson,
There is an age gap in the relationship with his father.
I bought a house with my own money and moved to where my stepson goes to school so he did not have to uproot.
Initially the step son lived 1 week with us and 1 week at his mums, however, he was not happy at his mums as he said he was missing PE due to his kit not getting washed and his room was small did not have a wardrobe etc. Obviously we said he could live with us full time if he wanted but always encourage him to text his mum and see his nan and family, and he freely does so when he wants.
I do all his washing and have put a rota in place to when he should bring his washing down. He gets £30 pocket money a week and must have a tidy room in order to get it. I help run his football team and go out of my way to pick his team up. We have had our ups and downs and I try and talk to him and explain that I am just trying to help in and stick in at school saying it will set him up for life.
He has recently acquired very expensive tastes. I used to buy him bits and bobs but stopped this year after his attitude became one of an expecting attitude rather than an appreciative grateful one. I decided he is not my responsibility so why am I wasting my money trying to please someone who was not appreciating it.
I used to get things for Birthday and xmas and had to earn things between those by doing well at school. I never got pocket money so as soon as I turned 16 I wanted a job and wanted to work I was motivated. As he is spoilt. He is not. Why should he earn a job when he gets £30 for doing nothing and more than that when he is getting tops etc.
As the house him and his dad live in is mine I am finding it increasingly annoying that they are both untidy. Wear their shoes in the living room, I cant have a shower when I want, I get told I am being immature when I do things like turn off the router for being disrespected or ignored. I try giving the teenager time frames to do things so half an hour to hang up his uniform etc etc.
Even though he knows to bring his washing down on set days if I do not tell him to he doesnt do it then I get moaned at by him for not telling him to, then when I tell him to I get called a nag and my partners response is what do you expect he is a teenager.
Last night it came to a head. It was my partners birthday and at 2240 I told the stepson to get a shower. He said he will later and my partner said its a one off its my birthday. He decided to get a shower at 2300 hours. at 2310 I need the toilet and asked him to get out the shower. He said no. I asked him again at 2315 and again he said no. So I went downstairs and flicked the fuse off for the shower. Too which my partner said I had ruined his bday and a text was sent from the stepsons phone saying tell that immature p*ick to turn the shower back on.
I am so done with this behaviour. I feel like a doormat. My partner always threatens they will move out and find somewhere else to live. The thing is, its got that bad I am secretly hoping they do!
He moans about paying for half the bills etc I said you earn more and with your son living with us you should pay more but because I cant be bothered with the arguing I just shut up and pay the same as him. He feels like a lodger in the house but he wanted me to buy the bloody thing so he didnt feel like his money was going nowhere.
I am so fed up of being called immature and childish by my partner and Stepson I have no leg to stand on in my own home and feel backed into a corner. I do loads for these pair even put holidays on my credit and try and do nice things.
I told my partner that I feel like a stop gap for him to use me until something better comes along.
If I refuse to do his sons washing it causes an argument, if I turn off the router it causes an argument, if I try and enforce discipline im being too hard on him.
I cant cope anymore if he is old enough to speak about me in that manner he is old enough to do his own washing etc.
I was planning on making a big fuss over him for his 16th but now I dont see why I should.

Can anyone help me please???

Sep 08, 2016
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So Sorry but look at the Bright Side
by: Anonymous

I too married with a Step Child but she was 6 then and now 18 thinking she is 30 and is Entitled and a very Demanding Spoiled Brat,i didnt bring He up this way.Her Peers come from wealthy families (and all are in Debt)who love to buy there Kids BMW's,Mustangs etc and post it all over Facebook.I drive a 2008 Mercury,Own 6 Homes and have Zero Debt but dont flaunt it as I earned it.My Stepdaughter since turning 18 is a Wild Child and I just settled one problem and will continue because she is only Book Smart,otherwise Clueless.Ive already told her to buy Auto Insurance because of Her Backtalk,next is removing Her Bedroom Door then No Cable TV and hopefully she will move out.I know how she feels about me and could care less but you have to get the Bull by the Horns and take charge otherwise Your Wife and Son will use You as a Doormat.Your the Man of the House and am sure You pay all the Bills,take control.This Lazy Teen needs a wake up call as He doesnt respect you,dont get Physical use Your Head and if Your Wife doesnt like it tell her she can leave as well.I did,said all of this and my Wife is still here.Send Him to His Bio Father or to His Grandparents,You have no children so why take on a Child,not a Teen but a Child.Good Luck!

Sep 08, 2016
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21 Year Old Boyfriend GONE and left a Thank You Letter.
by: KWood

Well we had a Big Fiasco Tuesday as I had enough of Loathing and getting up at Noon.When my Wife came Home I laid the Card Out and said "You and Your Daughter are taking Advantage of Me and Im DONE"I want Him out by the end of next week and wont wait until He finds a Job.He was working and and when He came home He didnt see Me but the following morning packed His Clothes and left,leaving behind a Nice Letter of Thanks.Now Im the Bad Guy,what else is new and my Daughter stated "Were NOT Family"when I said I take care of my Family from now on.Because of Her remarck she has to Pay her Own Car Insurance by the end of next week.She will learn to Respect.When the Boyfriend left I was Home but He wouldnt go near me,He is afraid of me,sorry but your a Man arent You?Anyway,He left Her Room and His in perfect neat condition only to find Her Room a Pig Pen the next morning,unmade Bed,cereal with half eaten food in it and bed clothes in a disaster.So,I told and showed my Wife and said "Happens again I will take the Bedroom Door off" maybe she will learn,what a Stupid Kid and I thought I brought Her up with standards but she is what she is.My wife is upset in how I handled it,sorry but your gone half the day and turn a Blind Eye,I Sugar Coat nothing,2 Months of 2 Kids 18 and 21 I am done!

Sep 06, 2016
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Ungrateful Brat who is a Loser
by: KWood

Well,to continue my Rant I dropped the Bomb last night and said I want the Boyfriend OUT!I have had my fill of these Two Playing House and after seeing the Boyfriend come from my Daughters Bathroom wrapped in just a Towel I almost lost it.So now Im the Bad Guy,like I care what anyone thinks and He has until Next Friday,I didnt bring Him here,the Wife and Daughter did for what was supposed to be a transition to getting a Roomate,that was over 2 Months ago!So my Darling StepDaughter comes in my Room like why is this happening?Does he bother You?Is He a Bad Person?then whay does He have to move?The answer was simple,because He is a Freeloader and if I wait until He can afford to move it will be 2018.So she stormed out stating "Were NOT Family"..OK so now since were not You as of Sept 14 have to start Paying your Own Car Insurance!!I could have withdrawn all the funds I save in Florida Pre Paid for Her 4 year College,but anymore disrespect then that will go as well.This Generation is so Clueless.These Two Morons think this House pays for itself,well it doesnt and thankfully I made alot of Money and Retired at a Young Age,My Wife has her own Cleaning Business I never see a Dime as he pays for her Parents Insurance,Rent etc Typical Latino,well Charity begins at Home now get an Insurance Policy for your Daughter.I stated a few years ago that Im Tired of having People come and live here from her Family and it went in one ear and out the other as I always get Burnt.I have Medical Issues and want a quiet Home,these Two watch me through the Air Conditioned Kitchen while Im in the Patio sweating putting things together,not even offer a Glass of Water,GET OUT!As soon as He leaves my Daughter better look for another Job,she starts tonight at 20 hrs a week selling Aldo Shoes,because I will make Her life very uncomfortable,no more getting up at Noon.I said I would drop the bomb and I kept my word.The lack of Respect and Dignity.Im still Dumbfounded that my Wife who I thought I knew would allow Her Daughters Boyfriend to move in has put my Marriage on the Rocks.Not that it matters as I can certainly live without Her but to Parent a Child and then do this is totally crazy.Take No Bologney!

Sep 05, 2016
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Step Children,Why?
by: KWood

As we try to do our best for our Step Children,with some there will come a time when they will forget that we Love them and didnt have to do all we did,at least we hope so.Being a Stepdad of of an 18 yo Daughter its a struggle as Her Mom wants to be her "Buddy" instead of a Parent so I will be the Fall Guy.I feel I have done a good job,Her Mother didnt.Now that Im upset about this Boyfriend living here arrangement things will get worse but Im still shocked a Mother would want Her young daughter living at home with her older Boyfriend.Yes he is a "Clone" of my Daughter,Lazy,Defiant and Sneaky.Now she is showing me that she did her chores,like this is your job isnt it?Her Boyfriend got up at Noon and now 2pm went to play Football.They did themselves deeper and deeper and my Wife who is always home by Noon isnt here,this is New as well.The last time she did this she had an Affair and got a Lifetime Infection,she can leave as well as I can make my own Sandwiches which is what I live on.Look out for yourselves,if things dont change,Leave.I now realize that Blood is more Important than a Good Marriage.Keep Venting as it gives us Strength.

Sep 05, 2016
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Lazy step son.
by: Anonymous

My husband and I are 66 and 65 respectively. My Stepson is 22 and between teaching jobs. He moved back in with us a couple of months ago and has been living here free of charge everything supplied until he gets his first pay packet.About a month ago he used all his savings and borrowed money from his mother to go swanning off in Asia for a month. At the rate it is going my husband and I will end up having to sell our house due to financial circumstances a few years ago, beyond our control, and we have very little savings so the fact that we are trying to help him out means it would be nice if he reciprocated when we asked for help but it is like banging your head against the wall. If you ask him to do something he does half the job then loses interest and just goes off and leaves it and forgets about it. We asked him to cut a couple of branches of our tree. Not huge ones. Now don't get me wrong, he is always talking about how strong he is. He used to do weights etc. and is on about joining the Marines in a year or two, for which he will have to be fit. He sawed one of these branches off the tree, which was no more than 6 inches wide and because it took him more than two minutes he left the second one because it was too hot and too hard to do and in any case he was mid computer game or text message! I left it for two or three days then mentioned to his Dad that the second branch hadn't been done and Hubby said that was typical of him. I have been out there about 15 minutes this morning and managed to do it myself but at my age with a bad elbow I don't need to do stuff like this when he is around and could have done it if he could have been bothered. His dad couldn't tackle it because he is waiting for a spinal operation.He has two sisters at least 10 years older than him. When he was born they were not expecting to have another child so he was totally spoiled and still is by both his parents. He has had everything and gives nothing. He is lazy to the extent he can't even put his dirty washing in the washing basket so that I can do it. The only reason I do his washing is because if I left it to him to do it he would put about three things in the machine when he wanted them and I am not happy to waste money like that, especially as he is not paying his way. Totally fed up with him, he's likely to be here months. Think I'll probably lose it by then and say something I might regret.

Aug 28, 2016
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Step mom to 2 adult losers
by: Anonymous

I have been married to my husband for almost 11 years.When I met him,he was a single dad struggling to raise two kids on his own because their mother ran off.In these 11 years I have gotten all the responsibility of these two but was not allowed to instill my values or correct their crappy behaviors because my doing so was "being hard on them" and their father was more interested in being fun dad So my role was cooking and cleaning after them basically.Now we have an 18 and 20 year old sitting in their messy rooms playing video games all day with no end in sight.The 20 year old is beyond lazy and USELESS he won't even shower unless he's told to do it and both are content to let dishes pile up in their rooms along with stinky laundry.The 18 year old is the epitome of a know it all and is very disrespectful correcting me etc.I cant take any more I would do anything to get them out.The sight of them nauseates me and ruins my day.How can any one person let alone two be so utterly directionless and lazy?I can't stand either of them and wake up each day wanting to punch myself in the face for taking this on.I have decided if they are not out by next summer I will move out.I am tired of being unhappy I have sacrificed enough and have had enough.I deserve better and will have it.I will marry someone with no kids and hopefully have one of my own who I will raise to be a respectful,kind and self sufficient.too bad I'm 37 soon,it's probably too late now to have my own.how ironic.

Aug 27, 2016
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Is it time to leave?
by: Anonymous

I moved to a state in the Mid-Atlantic to be with my current boyfriend/almost husband of five years. His sons have never warmed up to me, thanks to their spiteful mother. I have always been the motherly type. I have cooked so many meals, ( to which they have invited but always refused over the last 4 years), made all of their birthday cakes and trid my best to make a warm home for them. They are allowed to leave plates and utensils and glasses all over the house and I am expected to clean them up. The youngest is still living with us and I just had two TIA's within the last 72 hours. I was brought home from the hospital two nights ago. And I went into the 17 year old's room, and after asking him point-blank had he seen any of my many missing kitchen items, after French he told me had not seen them, I carried up an armful.

Aug 25, 2016
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18 YO Entitled Step Daughter sleepng w/Boyfriend
by: KWood

Hi,I have to add my 2 Cents.Ive been married 12 years and have a 18 yo Step Daughter who feels "Entitled" and acts like A Princess.I took her under my wing at 6 and taught her so much as well as given Her a Great Life with New Car,Lessons etc and I Pay for ALL the Household Bills in an Upscale Neigborhood.Im lucky I can afford it but Im also totally disabled living with chronic back pain.Ive been in Law Enforcement all my life before retiring.Since my Daughter turning 18 (January 2016) she has been disrespectful and sarcastic towards me,why?I havent a clue other than I make her do Chores (empty the dishwasher and take out the trash)big deal.My wife and I butt heads because 3 months ago my Wife allowed my Daughters Boyfriend,21 to move in.He comes from a broken home and I have a big heart but its supposed to be until he finds a roomate.3 Months later he is here and she is even more sarcastic,disresptful,they sleep until 12-1 PM,She takes 12 Credit Hours in College,he I found out didnt get a good GPA but works Part Time.He is very mature where as she is like a Child.Yesterday I had a sitdown with him to let him know I know everything thats going on like my Daughter sleeping in his bed etc but really wanted Him to know what You see is what You get,theres No Changing Her.She tries to compare Her "tough"life to His,laughable and states how much she hates me etc etc.I will throw everyone out as its My Home in My Name Only.I find Her sleeping with Him Totally Disrespectful and refer to Her in my Mind as "White Trash",she is Clueless for the Real World but Her Mom goes along with it which makes me ultra angry inside.You want to mess around get a Hotel but without my Permission or thoughts?Then Im supposed to Treat Her Highness to whatever she wants as she stated "Parents are supposed to Pay for All there Kids Bills and College"!!I almost fell to the floor.Yes,Ive saved and she has a Pre Paid 4 Year Tuition but I can pull that out as the Owner,she is using Scholorships now and thinks she is entitled to this money if she doesnt use it,aint happening Kid.She will watch me bust my bak carrying Groceries,working around the House and not offer any help whatsoever.Her Mom just ignores my request to have a talk with Her.Well,Im almost ready to Pull the Plug and throw her out,she once was a Great Child but when 18 came she turned into a Devil and truthfully I am the type that doesnt forgive easily so she will be the Loser in the End.I never Dreamed this would happen AND where did she meet Him? Tinder!!!!!

Aug 22, 2016
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Step parenting
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can totally relate to everything you are going through. I'm dealing with a 19 year old adult who does absolutely nothing around the house as he works full time and pays rent and a 16 year old who thinks he doesn't need to listen or follow curfews. I'm so tired of being a maid and being disrespected and watching them disrespect their dad. The 16 year old has a 12 curfew and walked into the house at 7 am and thinks we are being unreasonable because he was making cash. I'm done with all of this, seriously.. I wish I had the answers for us all who walk into these kids lives and try to help them. I understand they have gone through a lot themselves but total disregard for others in the house is unexceptable.

Aug 22, 2016
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22 YEAR OLD STEPSON
by: Anonymous

This is a rant and I just need to get it off of my chest. I am not saying that I am not at fault. I just don't know what to do or how to be. I am at wits end.

I married a wonderful woman three years ago that has a son. I also have a daughter from a previous relationship. She is 11 and lives with us every other weekend and for now is rather respectful and does what she is asked and expected to do. My daughter and my wife have a good relationship and my wife cares deeply for her.

My stepson is 22. His father is not and never has been in his life and has never helped financially support him or his mother. My stepson lives in our finished basement. He has lived in the basement for over two years. Prior to that he had moved out and was living with his first ever girlfriend. When that didn't work out, he moved back in. At the time of him moving back in, he had just recently lost his job and had no income. We agreed to let him move back and help him out until he gets on his feet. He found employment fast and has held down a full time job and pays his mother $150/month for rent. He also pays for his phone and car insurance. He is not in school and has no desire to to attend college. He expressed to his mother earlier this year that he wants to move out and that he is looking at end of summer to be out. At the beginning of summer he advised her that it won't be until the end of the year as he wants enough money saved up as he would like to purchase a house instead of paying rent. This is wonderful news for both my wife and I to hear but I am now thinking that he is just blowing smoke as I don't think he has barely anything saved. There is no exit for him in the immediate future in sight. This is disappointing for several reasons. I feel like I am being held hostage in my own house. I am not free to do what I choose or make my own home my own. I am tired of the tension that i feel of knowing that he is around or could come home at any time and ultimately because he is just wasting his money on needless, frivolous things.

How he lives his life that is absolutely eating at me. He is slob, extremely overweight, not well groomed, has poor hygiene and is dis-social. The basement is always a mess. He works (retail sales) all day and then comes home and goes directly downstairs and watches TV or plays video games. He wakes up in just enough time to literally get dressed and make it work on time. On the days that he is off, he does nothing. If we ask him to do something (like helping out with the laundry), it is always done half-hearted. On the days that he is off, he wakes up late morning and then watches TV in the basement all day. He might go out for some fast food but comes right back to the basement. His mother is an excellent cook and is always considerate of his eating tastes as he is a finicky eater. Very seldom will he eat what she has prepared. He will call on his way home from work, ask what's for dinner and usually say "I will just stop and get something." because he does not like what she has prepared. I would not have even thought of doing that when I was his age. If my mother made something for dinner, I ate it. No matter if I liked it or wanted it or not. To me, it's disrespectful and a slap in his mother's face to turn down something that she has prepared. It's her way of showing love and he rejects it.

The breaking point came yesterday when I asked him to cut the grass. He started to but claimed that the mower kept dying. I went over to see what was the matter and found that he had been running it in the "choke" position. That did it. I lashed out at him and told him to get his head in the game and that he knows better and does know how to operate a lawn mower as he has had to cut grass since he was about 12 or 13. Since I yelled at him, he refused to continue to cut the grass. I told him to either cut it or get out. I knew I made a mistake the minute I said it. He walked into the house and started preparing to leave. This then got his mother involved. She is frustrated as well and we both expressed our frustration with him yesterday. He was so arrogant with the replies and kept asking me if I do and act as I am wanting him to do First of all, it's none of his business what I do. Second of all, yes I do because I am the one that cleans up after him, cuts the grass and does the laundry. He refused to reply to any of our concerns and if he did, it was a smart mouthed answer. This is his usual M.O. He eventually did cut the grass however and he did not leave. We all calmed down and he spoke with his mother. The only problem is that, once again, we do not know where we stand or what his plans are.


His mother/my wife blames herself for the way he is as she thinks that she wasn't there for him when he needed her the most. She started having epileptic seizures about three years ago and she wasn't herself. We were forced to focus a lot of energy on making her better. This was about the time that he moved out with his girlfriend. She thinks that her not being there for him is a result of how he is today. I think it's BS and he was only using her illness to his advantage. Also, he lost his best friend when he was 12 years old. I understand that loosing someone that close to you at a young age is traumatic but he has got to get past it. He doesn't want to let go. Sometimes I just want to shake him and tell him to get over it. This kid is gone and he is still here. This kind of thought will only burden him and prevent him from making the most out of his life.

As you can tell, my stepson and I do not have much of a relationship nor does either one of us really want one with each other. Currently, my wife is in agreement that something need to be done and he needs to get on with his life and take on the responsibilities that come with adulthood. My fear is that the guilt that she feels will worm it's way back in and her views will change and she will go back to coddling her son. She will also get discouraged that there isn't a desire for her son and me to have a close relationship. These two things will cause us to have a negative impact on our marriage.

Thank you for reading. I welcome any and all questions or comments.

Aug 22, 2016
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email re:chatroom
by: Don

Thanks for the heads up about the email coming back to you. Not sure why that happened but I am offering a backup email in case others are also experiencing this:

Anyone interested in this [a chat-room for this topic] please email your desire for such a place to don@internet-of-the-mind.com or support@serenitycreationsonline.com

Don Carter, MSW, LCSW

Aug 18, 2016
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Chat room help.
by: Help

Don Carter,

I tried to email you at the address you provided, however it came back, twice.

To anyone who feels that a chat room, where we can offer, or receive, advice for those of us dealing with these issues, please post a message on here to let the moderators no that we think this is a good idea.

Thank you, and best of luck to us all.

Aug 17, 2016
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My Patience Are Running Thin And I Don't Know What To Do.
by: Anonymous

I've been living with my girlfriend and her daughter for 8 months now. Been dating for almost 3 years as I am divorced with 2 children of my own. I call her my stepdaughter because I try and be the father figure in her life. Her mother has done every little thing for her and she shows no respect to her mother and now it's going as far as disrespecting me and my kids. My kids are raised the same way I was raised, to show respect and have manners where ever you are. Its not the same with my stepdaughter. Always on the phone all day, laying in her bed, doing absolutely nothing. I tell her to do something and she says to me, okay, but it doesn't get done until the 3rd or 4th time I ask. I say something to her mother about it and she tells me to say something to her!!!! She wants me to be the bad guy!!! And when I have tried to give her structure and repremand her, her mother kisses her ass right after!! My patience is running very thin, and after reading some of these comments I realize my girlfreind is disrespecting me just as her daughter disrespects us. I dont know what to do. I thought this would be a great family for me and my kids but im starting to question myself. My girlfreind is so good with my kids and they love her!! I just feel stuck. I've already told her she is creating a monster and I don't want to be a part of it when it gets worse, she is only 14 right now. Sleepless nights are very common for me lately.

Aug 01, 2016
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Partner's kids are AWFUL
by: Anonymous

Finally a place to vent (and see that I am not the only one feeling like this). I have been with my GF for 4 years. We all moved in together in a beautiful big house on a great piece of property. My partner and her 2 kids (boy 15, Girl 13 at the time) myself (and my son, 16 at the time). I can honestly say that I have never met 2 children who were as lazy, sloppy, manipulative or disrespectful than these 2! Fast forward 2 years and my son, then 18, moved out as he couldn't reconcile with the fact that he had rules, chores and expectations when neither of the other 2 did. Oh, there were rules, chores etc... they just ignored that fact, as did my GF. She would just do the dirty dishes that they left, pick up after them, do their laundry and make everything OK for the little dears.
Her son went of to college last year and I don't have to deal with him all that often anymore. What a relief! The son is no where near as horrible as the daughter. His dysfunction is laziness; and he is an absolute slob. The most grating thing is that he acts like he's 10. He is clingy to his mother when he is around and still calls her "mommy". It drives me NUTS. All that being said, he at least is on his way to becoming an adult... and he lives away for most of the year.
The daughter on the other hand has 12 more months and she will be off to college (hooo-raaaay!) and I am counting the days.
She is the most disrespectful, entitled, obnoxious, lazy girl that I have EVERY met. She has a car and (finally) a part time job. My GF puts gas the gas in her car, pays the insurance, maintains the car and gives her spending money. The daughter won't clean her room, so my GF does that for her. She has never emptied the dishwasher and never done a single chore around the house.
I am a smart guy and I realize that my GF has created this monster, as does she.
We have discussed this on a couple of occasions and it did not go well to say the least. GF says being "mean" is not her style. I just don't think she knows what to do to fix it at this point.
I do the smart thing, when her kids are circling around, I just head up to my office (remember I said we have a pretty big house) so I don't have to expose myself to the nonsense and the friction. I treat the kids with respect and do my best not to engage when the nonsense is happening, because really it is not my problem. I know that may sound like a cop out, but my partner knows how I feel. I love my GF, but facts are facts: she didn't do all that great of a job with these 2.
I am sure that her son will be fine and he will grow up when he is out in the world. Like I said, I see progress since he has gone off to school. The daughter on the other hand is going to be a different story. I have no doubt that she will go to a college that is as far away as possible since she really does not seem to like being in our house (because she is sooo much smarter and cooler than we are (you know the story). I predict a hard existence for her though. She treats people so bad and is so obnoxious that I cannot see it going any other way. She has already said she wants to go to school where she can find a trophy husband. WTF! Anyhow, the countdown is on!. Thanks for a place to vent

Jul 27, 2016
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Chat Room
by: Don Carter

Thanks for the suggestion of a Chatroom for this topic. Anyone interested in this please email your desire for such a place to don@internet-of-the-mind.com or support@serenitycreationsonline.com

If there is enough interest, we will look into setting one up.

Thanks,
Don Carter, MSW, LCSW

Jul 20, 2016
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We all need to vent and share our stories.
by: This HAS to END!

I have posted on here a few times, and even get e-mail notifications when someone posts something new. There are too many stories of these spoiled brats and the lazy parents unwilling to raise their children with respect for others, their parents, or even themselves. And to the person who wrote the comment titled "Shame on Bio parents who raise spoiled brats." I agree with what you are saying, however, it's most certainly not just the dads that are doing this.

However, the real reason I am writing this today is to ask if anyone knows if there is a chat room, or some kind of on-line group for people like us who are at the end of rope with these kids and their parents? Some place to vent, and at the same time, get advice from others who have been through this, and perhaps, even survived it?

Jul 20, 2016
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Shame on Bio parents who raise spoiled brats.
by: Anonymous

A parents primary responsibility to their child is to make him "good", not to make him "happy". Through being a decent person, true happiness comes. A spouses obligation to their spouse is to put them in first place as a cherished and respected other half of the most important relationship in the household. If the marriage isn't first and strong, the entire family will live in dysfunction. Both of these responsibilities are biblical, for those interested in such things, but they are also the only way a homelife will ever work. Man up, weak dads of the world, and protect and love your wife above all else. From there, she will be able to help you transform the brats you have created into people you both might be able to enjoy being around. Protecting her from your prior failed parenting will require Absolute consistency from you and in the first years they will hate it-- because they hate not getting their way as any kid would- but honestly, look at them. Are you proud of who you have created? If your kids are behaving like the kids described on this site you should be embarrassed and ashamed and it is your obligation to put a stop to it.

Jul 17, 2016
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It's nice to know you're not alone
by: Anonymous

That is what I kept saying to my partner... Why do you not think you deserve respect from your boys? It's an on going battle. I try to tell him he deserves respect, be he also needs to respect himself. These boys walk all over him and I can't watch it any longer. As much as I love him, I won't support this behaviour. I like you can't take it much longer.

Jul 15, 2016
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It's nice to know I'm not alone
by: Anonymous

I'm shocked to read so many situations like my own. I've been with my partner for close to two years. When I first met him his spoiled, lazy son was 14 and his dad still cut his meat. He had no chores and basically did whatever he wanted. After much proding, my boyfriend will now not cut his meat and he has a few chores that he doesn't do unless he's told.
About 10 days ago he got grounded for the first time in his life (even though he's done other groundable offenses). It was to be for two weeks and there was no going out, no phone, no contact with the girlfriend, no video games. It had to be delayed a few days because he had plans..yes...you read that right...he had plans. So it started this past Wednesday although my boyfriend let him play video games. Then he told me tonight that he's also letting him go with his girlfriend tomorrow to a water park. I've just reached a point where I don't respect him anymore in regards to this. And I'm sick of being told none of this affects me even though I live with them. I've started seeing a counselor and been thinking about ending the relationship. Yes...it's that serious.

Jul 13, 2016
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Stuck
by: Anonymous

Well, it finally came to a head last night. With the two boys totally disrespecting their dad and myself we sat them down and asked them what was going on. The 15 year old thinks it was perfectly fine to be coming home at 2am instead of the 11 curfew that was set. Won't look for a job, but yet still feels he's entitled to everything. Thinks we're too hardcore with curfews, he should be able to decide himself when he's coming home. He's out every night, curfew being 12. I don't think that's unreasonable for a 16 year old.
The now 19 year old was told he needed to be more respectful of the house by helping out a bit( he won't even take out the garbage because he pays rent) and not disrupting the house when he comes in at whatever time he decides during the week. Last night it was 2 am and woke everyone up.
The solution? The boys and their mother blame me... They say I want them both out of the house so I can have their dad to myself and that I don't want them. I will not come between the boys and their dad. I'm stepping aside and letting them figure it out. All I can say is life is too short for all this and I honestly was trying to give them a stable hone life they never had with their mom.

Jul 13, 2016
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spoiled 17 year old "step-son"
by: Anonymous

You are not alone - after reading these comments. I am living with my Partner after over two years together, and we have bought a house together. His son is spoilt, arrogant, rude, lazy and shows no respect. He is doing things that he knows I will get wound up about and thereby saying to his dad, hoping that we will argue and eventually split up.

His mother not moved on and I am sure she is fueling the son to give me a very bad time.

I will battle on as I love my partner dearly. But will he wake up one day and see what he son is clearly doing, or will he just carry on denying that his son has a problem, not just me and deal with his sons' problem that I think are related to his parents splitting up and not having closure on them.

Jul 10, 2016
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Loser
by: Anonymous

My 17 year old stepson is a loser who sits in his room and plays video games all day. Has zero friends.

Jul 05, 2016
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Stepmother to 18 and 21 year old girls
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. So much. I met my husband 5 years ago at which time his girls were nearing the ages of 13 and 16. I've gotten along great with the girls for the most part, but I think I've been labeled the Wicked Witch of the South a few times over these years.

I came into this relationship with no parenting experience. I don't have children of my own and I jumped headfirst into attitude riddled teenagers with a sense of entitlement from God knows where and dances, dating, drama, drama, drama. Their mother I think spends more time being a friend and is absent most of the time as her job requires a lot of travel and she has a tendency to put everyone else before herself and her girls.

When I began dating my husband, the girls did not do dishes. They did not do household chores like sweeping, laundry, etc. Their father did it all. From what I understand, he did it all during the marriage to their mother as well. He was active duty military and worked all day only to come home to the sink full of dirty dishes to wash before he could even cook dinner. I was shocked. The girls had to wash dishes and do the cleaning at their mother's house, but they treated dad's house like vacation. Honestly, I was furious - not shocked.

I probably overstepped my bounds so greatly in the beginning of our dating relationship (like in the first two weeks), but I just ran with it and it worked. From the day I spoke to both of them about chores and laundry, they've done their own. Their father has never washed another stitch of their clothing since. I implemented a chore chart after I moved in 8 months later and let them know it was not okay to sit on their rear ends all day while their father and I worked to come home and prepare their dinner.

It is still a battle day to day, but so much better than it was. I still butt heads with the oldest daughter. It has caused friction between me and my husband, but we chalk it up to being raised very differently. I'm southern and all about manners, manners, manners. We conflict a lot on that and usually just agree to disagree. I mean, I had to jump on these girls for belching and not - at the very least - saying "excuse me" - it was horrible!

At any rate, I'm rambling. The youngest is about to go to college and the oldest just graduated from college and seems quite unmotivated to get out of the house anytime soon. I feel the battles coming around again in the near future. I might need an army this time...

Jul 05, 2016
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My stepson is too spoiled
by: Anonymous

It's great to read that others are going through the same thing! Although at the moment my comments seem trivial to some but I'm sure this is just the beginning, I met my partner 6 years ago and I moved into his house and sold my house. His ex wife was an absolute nightmare as we spent a lot of money on her ''ex-marital' home and she didn't like it. We still don't speak. My stepson is going into 6th form at private school this term paid for by his grand parents and to be honest I think being at that school is the reason for the attitude. His friends are very wealthy, we aren't but he expects the same things. He stays with us every other weekend and with his mum on mon-weds therefore 'Monday is my favourite day of the week! I've got to the stage now whereas I feel like a maid in my own home for someone else's child his dad tells me to stop moaning as he's a teenager so also creating problems between us. His mum does absolutely everything for him at home and I feel like confronting her and telling her to stop treating him like a child. I'm a bit of a cleaning freak so dirty cups and plates in the messiest room in the house drives me mad but I'm getting to the point now whereas I think why should I bother, his friends stayed over also private school boys and were running around the house at 3am and when I told them all to go to bed they just laughed what is it with no respect these days I then had about 3 hours sleep and then had to go to work so we now have arguments about people staying over as he says 'this is my house' my reply was yes it's also mine and it's not a hotel! He refuses to use public transport therefore his parents take him everywhere I know now that he's expecting a car on the drive for his next birthday and no doubt he will get one from his mother. He's no intentions of getting a job either. My fear is that even after another 2 years at school he's still no idea what career path to take and he willing be dossing around at home. I love going to work which is really bad as I don't want to be here when he is!!

Jul 04, 2016
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I AM NOT ALONE!
by: Anonymous

Wow! It's refreshing, encouraging and at same time frustrating to read the comments that step parents have made here. Finally a website that I can relate to , vent on, and probably help while I seek answers myself.

I will try to be brief. This is my second marriage in a blended family. It ended in a divorce after 14 years, not because of our children, but of my ex-wife. There were five children, but I digress.

My current wife has two sons one an adult, who is now on his own, and the other is 16 and lazier than a snail. He was 7 when got together and we are not speaking at this point. My wife is an enabler and thinks I bully him, so I say nothing anymore, because no matter what I say its wrong. "FOCUS ON THE FAMILY" is a great program that helped me in the past 20 years.

I will not reward bad behavior or disrespect of any kind. My step son is a very smart kid, good grades, no drug problem, but has no boundaries or consequences when he falls to do his chores and speaks to my wife with contempt. In my wife's eyes he can do no wrong, so I'm done all I do now is pray and hope that God steps in, but we as parents have a role to play
and not just hope that it is a phase.

We must set boundaries as we teach our children in love. If we do not they will just grow up to be lazy unproductive members of society. Hopefully our marriage will survive, because my wife has a heart of gold and I love her dearly. I never believed in soulmates until I met her.

Jun 20, 2016
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What do I do?
by: Anonymous

My girlfriends son is fat, lazy and disrespectful. He is 17 going on 10 it seems. He won't do any chores.including help put away the food he demands when we go shopping.i have gotten too the point that I won't buy food for him when I shop ( he survives off pizza, chocolate milk, coconut water and whatever sweets you may leave around) my girlfriend supplies this too him no questions asked.he only comes downstairs too eat or shit..and this is in between the frequent naps he takes.he makes constant hacking noises, like he is hacking up flem..and I mean constant. I tried to ask my gf to make him do something around the house..anything at all. But she won't and gets mad if I get mad. I'm not allowed to even ask him to do anything..if I do I get the silent treatment for a week. I cannot wait for him too leave. I keep hoping he will move in with his dad..but I think he has rules so he prefers it here. I've seriously considered leaving my gf because of him. I love her, but this is too much.

Jun 17, 2016
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How do these "parents" sleep at night?
by: Going to lose it!

My fiancée has just allowed her son to miss school, again, today. And it's the last day of the year. This brings the grand total, of days she has allowed him to miss, to 40! How can anyone defend this? And this, of course, is just the tip of the iceberg. She lets him do what ever he wants. He wants to stay up late, no problem. He wants pizza and fries for every meal, no problem. He doesn't want to do his choirs around the house, no problem. He wants to be a smart ass to his mother and I and talk to us anyway he pleases, no problem. This child is only 12 years old and has the run of the house, and the family. I have lost any and all respect for her as a parent. I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to end this relationship. If I ever get custody of my child, who is 5, I would never want to let her do to my child what she has done to her own. I have read the things others have written on here, and I just don't understand how these "parents" can honestly feel that they are doing right by their children by allowing them to run over parents, teachers, and other family members. What are they thinking?? How can they expect their kids to be productive members of society if they continue to act like they do?

Jun 03, 2016
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So what do we do?
by: Anonymous

I'm a stepmom. His son is 14. He too plays XBoX always...always. He eats whatever he wants and talks back to his dad so much. Incredibly lazy. Terrible grades. Doesn't play sports because "he doesn't like to sweat." He still wants his dad to lace his shoes and open ketchup packets! Like a little kid!. He also has a horrible dog. It came back with him from his moms last summer. It messes in the house, tears up doors and furniture. The son cries if we get after the dog for his behavior, but makes no effort to train it. If anyone other than the boy touches the dogs collar it bites us. I don't understand why the dog is still allowed in the house...my husband and I both have dogs, really good ones that do their business outside and don't bite anyone. But the step son loves his dog and gets whatever he wants.
I can see this going on indefinitely. Why would he get a job and move out? What do I do when I don't even see the light at the end of the tunnel?


May 31, 2016
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Lazy as the Day is Long
by: Anonymous

My 17 year old stepson lives with us half the time. He is a good student with minimal effort so he is lucky that way. He spends ALL his time playing Xbox. My husband and I would like him to get a part-time job since he has A LOT of free time. Mom doesn't want him to get a job so he can be available to babysit her new child. He does not participate in any school after-school activities or sports. He spends every minute on the xbox. My husband and I have both worked since the age of 14. We feel working 20 hours a week would help him with saving money and becoming more social. What do you do when one parent says "no job" and the other says "yes"?

May 23, 2016
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It's not just me!!
by: Anonymous

I am engaged to honestly one of the best men I've ever known. He's smart, hard working, giving, respectful...everything you would want in a man raising your child....except his child. His son is now 16 is failing school, has 0 responsibility, 0 manners and can't think further than his own nose. He is still that kid that stands on top of his father in the store afraid that he might walk somewhere he can't see him. He has no developmental disorders, no mental health problems he is just a giant child. He has no motivation to do anything, make decisions or even drive. I can't understand this coming from a man that works one full time job and owns his own concrete business on the side! There is no discipline for failing grades except a "good stern talking too" and then he says well he just needs more of my attention. HE'S 16!!!! He should have a job and hanging out with his friends and doing decent in school. I was raised by a farm family. At 14 I was working, had 4-h animals I was responsible for, was playing sports and going to school. My fiancé doesn't even want me to ask him to do the dishes during the summer while he's out of school. I need help around our farm and he'll promise to help me and then decide well I'm going to start doing weekly fishing tournament, even with failing grades!!! I am at a loss. He won't listen to me, he doesn't follow through and he doesn't discipline. He doesn't see the point since he's at our house for a week then goes to his moms house for a week. I having these huge feelings of resentment towards his son for not even trying....at anything to work towards becoming the adult that he thinks he is despite his childish needs. The weeks that he's not there are perfect. He comes over and everything changes. My fiancé thinks I'm unreasonable. I even started taking anxiety/depression medications to help deal with all of this thinking it was just me being silly but I know its not.....I'm just at a loss of what to do and I don't want to resent his son he's not a bad person he just needs to grow up and his dad needs to teach him to be a man, the kind of man he is. And like me he was working at 14 and didn't have his parents hold his hand through life either. I just don't get it.

May 14, 2016
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Stepmother to 16 yr old entitled stepson
by: Anonymous

All of these stories hit too close to home.... I am a stepmom to a 16 year old stepson and a 13 year old step daughter. No I do not have problems with the step daughter I have many issues with the stepson. I have two grown children who are on their own because I brought them up to respect their elders and to work and have responsibilities. But for the last 6 years since I've been in this household I've been told I can't parent by my husband. So I have sat back and watched his son tell him that he's going places ....not ask...he goes to parties and doesn't come home and I'm in just aww of this!!! So what has come back and bit them in the ass because it was told by a family member that he's been doing drugs and drinking. I told my husband I forewarned you you need to be harder you need to find out where he's going you need address phone numbers everything so what happened last night he doesn't get address or phone number and he's supposed to go pick him up so his son completely ignores him and doesn't even answer his phone till 6 o'clock this morning and claims he fell asleep... but I'm kept out of the loop the only people he'll talk to his ex-wife and his mother nobody says anything to me I just live in this house I don't know how much more I can take of this. We are supposed to move away to a different state and I'm afraid that when he graduates high school next year he's going to end up coming to live with us and just be lazy and I have to deal with it all over again.... feeling helpless

May 12, 2016
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So it's not just me.
by: Going to lose it.

I am engaged to a wonderful woman. She has a heart the size of Texas. She is the sweetest woman I have ever been with. Here's the problem. Her 12 year old son. I have read some of the other comments here, and it seems that most of the step kids mentioned are older than him. Which is why I want to get my fiancée to realize what she is doing to her son before it gets to the point of no return. He is lazy (ok, most 12 year olds are), but he is so needy that she and I never get time alone. Worst of all is that he fakes being sick so that he can stay home from school. He has done this so much that he will be held back this year, not because of his grades, but due to attendance. School had just started in September, and less than 6 weeks later a letter was sent to his mother saying that kids can only miss 15 days of school per school year, and that he had already missed 10. 10 days in 6 weeks!? Did his mother do anything? Nope. He ended up missing at least one day a week for the rest of 2015. And so far in 2016, not a lot better. She told him, just a few weeks ago, that if he missed school again, it would be because he was vomiting, or in the hospital. Well, just this past Monday, she woke him up for school and he said NO. He wasn't going to school because he had an upset stomach, and she let him do it. This boy has the emotional mentality of a 4 year old. He literally had a temper tantrum when she and I went out for our anniversary and we wouldn't let him come with us. Right when we walked out the door, he started screaming that he hated his life. When I went back in a told him to knock it off and that just because he didn't get his way was no reason to act like this, he then screamed at me that I wasn't his father, that he didn't have to listen to me, and that he hated me, to which his mother coddled him some more. His mother and I are in couples counseling because of him and how she is with him. She keeps saying that she will be more stern with him, but she doesn't. I know he is only 12, but I don't see this ever changing, and I will not have this boy living under my roof for the rest of our lives while he can't even hold down a job for more than 2 weeks because he will not show up to work. He is rude, and disrespectful to me and her, and yet she still does nothing but get mad at me when I saw something. They both look at me as being the asshole because I am the only one who cares for his future. His mom keeps saying "he's only 12", what she doesn't understand is that this will only get worse if she keeps coddling him. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, but I don't know if it will work out if she can't standup and start being a parent to her son.

Thank you all for letting me know that I am not alone.

Apr 22, 2016
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Stepmom dealing with spoiled 18 yr.old boy
by: Anonymous

I too am second wife (stepmom) he's got two boys oldest is 18. The youngest he pays child support for the next three years. The oldest doesn't want to go too college and only works 1 day out of a week. He still goes to high school graduate soon. I know that for a teenager who is not engage in after school programs or sports could actually work a couple hours a day after school, get in time to finish studies then hang out with your girlfriend. Nope not this one, we pay for his car ins. And phone and his dad gave him his only car for free, and he pays for health ins and dental that comes out of his paycheck. We have a new baby, but I'm not aloud to say anything because I'm picking on the oldest son. I have two kids prior, but they are on their own because of my teachings. I feel resented his oldest son will always be spoiled, how long do you think I can survive second marriage with a new baby? I don't know, provaly not long.

Apr 12, 2016
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Husbands needy 17 year old
by: Anonymous

I so understand what you're going through and how you're feeling. I feel like my relationship is going to end because of him, but he is only part of the problem; my s/o allows this unhealthy relationship with his kid(s).

The daughter, now 20, doesn't live with us, THANK GOD, because if she did, with her worthless boyfriend with a 8th grade education ( Quick synopsis, the daughter somehow manipulated her parents by threatening to run away at 17 with her then 19 y/o BF if my S/O and his ex didn't allow her to let him move in with them - THEY LET HIM!) but husband bought her a brand new car, cash, paid for their apartment for a year, they used to run up the monthly cell phone bill to almost 1000.00 a couple of times, they were both arrested because she was the lookout for her worthless boyfriend who tried to steal video games at walmart and got busted, they're just pieces of shit. Then, the other kid that lives with us... This kid, I swear, you would think that my S/O are buddies. He's 17, misses the school bus at least a few times a month, hence him missing over 10 days in his 1st period class, he does no housework, no job, no ambition, the boy is lazy and worthless and my S/O knows it and even the boy admitted it. When he does wake up late, he calls his aunt to come pick him up, which pisses me off because they are enabling him - he suffers no consequences when he does this. There has been all out yelling spats between him and I for smoking pot in the house after being told numerous times not to, but his dad allows him to do so outside, his room is hoarded and outright nasty, smells, he smells and he just plain worthless. I get SO tired of me telling his dad about reprimanding him when he steps out of line, but it always ends up being my fault for some reason and I am the asshole out of all this. He's always in our business wanting to know whats going on, only to go tell other relatives or anyone else about our personal problems, telling people I am a monster (because I had cussed him out a few times because of his disrespectful behavior towards me, telling me to f*** off when he told his dad to f*** off because he told him to load the dishwasher), he's so needy its creepy, like he's married to my S/O..its just an unhealthy co-dependent relationship that is driving me crazy because no matter what he does, I am the one that is always blamed and cursed out by his dad, not him. I mean, the kid does shit around the house, but has a 55 inch TV in his room, a 500.00 phone, Xbox, PlayStation, handheld games, I mean OMG!!! One time, hubs was looking at me amorously - his 17 yr old noticed that and yelled "DAD, LOOK AT ME!"
I was like What in the entire f***?!?!

ITS INFURIATING and I have no one, literally no one to vent to about it! I am not the priority like I THOUGH I should be being the 2nd wife...I feel like im ostracized because I truly dislike this kid immensely, and I sure as shit let him and his sister know that I don't like them just a few months ago. And you know what, zero f***s were given because I reached my breaking point. I am planning an escape route. There's so much bullshit one can take by his dad allowing so much f***ery and then me being blamed for everything.

Apr 08, 2016
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Not running for the hills yet, but need an outlet.
by: Anonymous

Now that I have read these comments I feel my complaints about my stepson are small. My step son has pet's that he doesn't take care of and is getting bad grades. His father is promising to get him another pet if he brings his D's up to B's. I am the one who has to tell him to give his pets water and smell the stinky litter box (his dad drives truck for a living and is not home as often as I am.) His son won't talk to me, he acts as tho ugh I am invisible. He grunts when I ask him how his day was and will barely say hi when I greet him. He never say's hi or goodbye first or asks how I am or starts a conversation. I have invited him to go on what I call adventures where we get in the car and go where ever we are called, I ask him if he want's to go to game stores or things I think he finds fun but he always declines. I ask him to play card games and all sorts of things to give him attention and he say's "no, I'm good!" He get's money for chores he doesn't do or has to be nagged to do by me and is disrespectful to me when I do ask him to do them. His dad is a wonderful hard working man. He is not an example of laziness. His daughter, who also felt entitled (she was 18), just moved out because her dad was tired of being asked for money all the time and getting no thanks or appreciation. Now he is afraid of alienating his son by being firm about grades and homework. He feels like he was a hard ass with his older kids so he has gone soft on the younger ones. Balance is what I tell him, but he has gone way to soft now his son plays video games and watches tv all day.

Apr 06, 2016
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Thank you
by: Anonymous

I just want to say thank you for this post and thank you to the step parents who posted. I don't think step children should be making judgements in this forum. I have no time for judgemental crap which is clearly still a problem for this skids who have posted here. I was a rotten teen to my mom and dad. They made a lot of mistakes and so did I. Through hard brutal work we have a fantastic relationship now. I often wonder if this is because we are biological. Kids don't ask for their parents to get divorced and remarry however, life is not fair. That's it. To me you get all kinds of things in life based on choices and some that aren't choices. To all the stepkids. Your mother and father CHOSE to get divorced and they also CHOSE to remarry. Your PARENTS CHOSE this life for you. Not your step parents. Direct your anger appropriately. Even as teenagers you are capable of CHOOSING how you will react and behave. As adults you continue to CHOOSE the relationship you have with your parents. Please take care and be responsible. Also remember if you CHOOSE not to have a relationship with your step parent consider that they are probably relieved. An adult stepkid who is a parent and still holding onto the past hurt and pain is the last stepkid I would ever want to have a relationship with. I know, I have 2!

Mar 22, 2016
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The Obvious Maddness
by: Anonymous

Hi, As most of the stories above I too am in a relationship with a wonderful man that has an almost 18 year old, spoiled, entitled, lazy and verbally abusive (to him) daughter. Her mom passed away 6 years ago, but all of their family tells me she has been raised this way from day one, by both parents. I have 3 adult daughters (2 biological and 1 step) that are kind, productive women. She does not talk poorly to me as she knows I would not stand for it, she is a bit of a bully, to her dad.

He and I started dating 4 years ago and I have just recently moved in with him. She will be going away for college and she cannot leave fast enough according to her, in a couple of months. She will not drive and refuses to get a job. Their relationship is based off her her being extremely verbally abusive to him calling him every horrible name there is and him always giving her everything, hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of what she wants. There are not many moments at all of her even being kind to him and is usually only sometimes before she tells him she "needs" something else, then the abuse starts even when he gives in, which is always anyway. A couple of years ago I got tired of listening to her abusive talk to him and said something to her while he stood there and took it. I was told by her this was between her and her dad and when I told her not when she does it in front of me, that was her moment in life to hate me. This girl is the most hateful individual I have ever seen, but only to her dad. She has a terrible mouth, and always has, but when other family is around she tones it down and just comes off as a sassy 17 year old. (Which of course I could handle as I have already raised 3 of them).

I have tried taking different approaches to this, starting years ago. I was able to get him to take her to counseling and I believe she did and still does need it, as well as him. She got tired of it, so he stopped taking her. I've tried to be supportive to assist in helping set guidelines for her. Funny thing when he was doing this, their relationship actually improved, unfortunately this didn't last long.

He is such an incredible, amazing man, my children and their spouses adore him, just as I do. I have been loosing sleep over this every time she badgers him into something else that she has to have and makes it his fault when she doesn't take care of or does not have the money for since she won't work.

All of his deceased wife's family knows how she is and has always been, as they were the ones that told me of this being her behavior always, but no one steps up to help him, they all just tell her how amazing she is because the ONE AND ONLY thing she does on her own is she does well in school.

We have struggled through the years ONLY because of this. I as a parent hate longing for the day she leaves for college. I also worry for the obvious thing to me and that is she has no idea how to do anything to care for herself and will either come back home as she will fail, or she will be abused in a relationship because she will meet someone and treat them the same way she does her father.

I guess I am not looking for advice as much as I am trying to vent and get this off my chest. As much as it helps to read others' stories, I am sorry for all of us that have found a partner that we are happy with that there are not many, or any solutions to resolve this except for hopefully time. Good Luck to you all!

Mar 14, 2016
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Theirs, His and Mine
by: Anonymous

Blending theirs, his and mine has been more than difficult for me. There is no easy and short way of sharing my story. I've tried to type it out but it would be a book's length. Some of the stories shared on here make my step-kids seem like angels, but we all have struggles and different levels of tolerance. I love my husband very much, he is truly a wonderful guy (adopting his step-daughter, having a son with step-daughter's mom, then gaining custody after she abandoned them). I didn't fall in love with his kids. I don't know what's worse - falling in love with someone's kids and marrying that person because of that? Or falling in love and marrying someone because of them but regretting it because of their kids. I wouldn't be able to judge anyone, because even though my step kids get good grades, are ambitious and polite, the one I really have trouble with is the adopted one. She is just like her mother and I'm tired of being taken advantage of and lied to, and I'm tired of her talking about my husband the way she does behind his back. When caught, she apologizes but is a repeat offender. There's just a myriad of issues. And I'm tired. I've struggled to embrace her more than his son, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I shouldn't force it. She isn't mine...and she certainly chooses her grandmother over me, so why would I?

Mar 06, 2016
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Help
by: Anonymous

I have a 17 year old step daughter I have tried and tried to be kind polite to communicate and to try and be a parent to her. The girls mother really wanted nothing to do with her, my fiancé recently got custody of her after 11 years. Prior to getting custody he paid child support but never had contact so basically we have known her for only a year. When she arrived here she was very promiscuous had already had a baby at 15, she is lazy and is failing high school. I suggested major counseling to my fiancé which was completely ignored. Problem is he allows her to do as she pleases, she recently lied to our face and snuck her girlfriend into the house after we told her no. My fiancé really has nothing to say about it she is currently held up in room and won't speak to anyone I'm sure mostly pissed off and embarrassed she got caught, I am sure she has snuck around many times before but this time I caught her red handed. I am at my wits end, they whisper among themselves, constantly text each other I am never told anything in my own home. To make matters worse because he was still paying child support for her yes fir child living with us he is broke all the time so I paid for Christmas, birthdays. School clothes etc. I felt I needed to do this seeing that he helped me raise my four children. Problem is the never ending need, he works constantly so I'm essentially the one that is here, she calls me mom but am I in no way shape or form allowed to play that role. I put my foot down with her sneaking girlfriend in in girlfriend I mean lover. Now in the last 2 years my fiancé has not so much as given me a Christmas card. Birthday card, Valentine's card but is going to spend 1000.00 on his daughter for her 18th birthday new computer, skydiving, new clothes and a new iPhone. I don't know what to do anymore if I say anything about her if her behavior he goes nuts. I have become a stranger in my own home, I feel lonley and frustrated. I am very close to my children whom are bus grown I speak with them about this problem and everybody sees it except my fiancé. The works sets on his daughter which I get but I'm done trying anymore.

Feb 07, 2016
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15 years trying to placate the spoiled step daughter
by: Fairy Viking

After reading many of your stories all I can say is DONT GO THERE SISTER. Fathers will always value their daughters above their second wives. Step daughters will always disrespect their step mothers.
The first time I met one of my step daughters she was doing the 'daddy daddy when are you going to buy me a new car daddy thing' and it's never really stopped.
I have been polite, friendly, giving, accommodating, ie they would only want to go to coffee with my hubby because they didn't feel comfortable with me. After 15 years it has never really changed. He is now dying from cancer, and the stress is unbearable. All that really interests them is any benefits from the estate. They have tried to convince him I don't love him. So cruel. If it feels wrong in the beginning and he doesn't stand up for you without prompting, run for the hills and never look back. Take my advice and avoid the sadness and grief I am living with. God blessr

Feb 06, 2016
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crazy...
by: Anonymous

I am completely amazed at these negative comments towards kids! You people are the adults and need to be a positive part of the step kids lives. You judge and how do you expect a teenager to respond? You came into their world remember? I have a 17 year boy I raised alone..we struggle but by no means is he any of the horrible things my now ex said he was. He's a teenager finding his way and learning adult responsibility. As a step kid myself, I experienced the step mom trying to come between my dad and His kids. You know what it sounds like? Jealousy... My bf actually said my son was in his way. Lots of others men out there was my response 😊

Jan 23, 2016
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Adjustment problems...
by: Don Carter

Blending families is a major adjustment. Children and teens have difficulty with major adjustments.

Children and parents who grew up in moderate to severely dysfunctional families have even more difficulty making healthy adjustments because the ability to set and reinforce boundaries is usually impaired.

There is a frequent diagnosis called Adjustment Disorder because of these very issues. Families frequently benefit from counseling at the FIRST sign of problems. If you wait to long the "adjustment" gets made and it is not a healthy one. It is a lot easier to intervene early than late.

Seek family counseling early when blending your family with new members.

Don

Jan 19, 2016
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I had no idea....
by: Russell

Had to end it with my GF last week because of her 12yr old daughter. Whenever her mother was not paying attention to her she would say disrespectful things. She hated it when me and the GF would sit together (FE if GF sat down on the loveseat, the daughter would literally run past me to sit down next to her mother). Time alone with the GF was a nightmare. She would just walk in the room at ANY given time. Started locking the door and she then resorted to kicking and beating at the door. I have a 7 year old son and there were times he would look at her as if she had lost her mind. Eventually I cut down on the times that I brought him over.

But the final straw was when my GF agreed to start leaving her bedroom door unlocked and open at all times at her daughter's request. Suggested that the GF come visit my place on her day(s) off but that was not an option. I realized then and there that the daughter was the parent and my GF was the kid. What was funny was that on the morning that I broke it off with her I had to get my clothes out of the girlfriends bedroom and the 12 year old was sleeping in the bed. And she HAS her own room. So glad I got out of there...

Jan 10, 2016
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Stuck
by: Anonymous

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and would love some advice here. I'm about ready to leave this situation. My spouse has 2 teenage boys, 18 and 15. The 18 year old has always run the house, hates any type of authority. I don't say anything to him as I'm not his mom but I have told my spouse I will not be treated like a maid. He is rude, doesn't acknowledge me or his Dad, eats, showers, leaves. He pops in every few days for food and a shower and his laundry to be done. He has now started bringing his 15 year old gf over and sleeping in his bed. I draw the line there, I don't agree with it but my spouse is worried his son won't come around at all if we say no. He parents out of fear. The 15 year old co-parents with his Dad. I was not included in any discussions at all, now my spouse has decided to include me but if I say something They don't agree with I'm the bad guy. I've raised my kids, I don't want to do this anymore. My kids never got away with treating me like this, these boys certainly aren't going to. Any suggestions?

Jan 08, 2016
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From a single Mum of a teenage son
by: Anonymous

I have a teenage son and I'm a single mother.

I only started dating when my son was about 13 years old, never married and father not involved, yes call me selfish if you wish.

When I started dating again my son almost had a heart attack and turned into a brat, full scale.
I did not tolerate his behavior and I made it clear that the world does not revolve around him, never had anyway.

He had chores before I dated and suddenly he accused me of not loving him any more, spending too much time with the boyfriend, treating him badly, the more he kicked up dust the more I disciplined.

Now after 3 years we are stable again, he still does not like the boyfriend and sharing a house, but that's his problem, he know well enough, you can't always get what you want and life is a bitch, deal with it and learn how to handle conflict and stress.

Thus IMO your wife is the real problem and not your teenage step son. It's your wife's responsibility to educate her son, not your. My boyfriend never had to say anything, if my son showed signs of disrespect, I would step in and discipline. Boyfriend even said I'm to hard on the kid, I replied I have to be it's life, you do not have to like some one to show respect.

Dec 21, 2015
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Kids grow up
by: Anonymous

I am in a relationship with a man who has a 16 yr old daughter. She believes the moon and stars revolve around her. But here's the thing. She's a kid, she'll grow up, she'll move out. I can't base my relationship with this man on the co-parenting techniques he and his ex use. I didn't fall in love with his kid, I fell in love with him.

If, all things considered, the parent to child relationship is healthy, it becomes a waiting game with boundaries - don't pay for things you don't feel are your responsibility (college, car, etc), provide emotional support, come to agreement on what rules apply while the child is with you and enforce them consistently.

I was also a step child. My step-dad thought I was a snob and generally a jerk when I was 16. When I hit my 20's I found that of all the people in my family I got along best with him and over the years he and I grew close. When I think of what made him a successful step parent he did all the things I suggested - he set boundaries, but he taught me how to drive too.

Good luck. Remember, the primary relationship is with the person you married or are in a committed relationship with, not his/her children.

Dec 19, 2015
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Kudos to you for leaving
by: M. Holmes

Speaking solely from a male perspective, there is no getting through to a single mom with a spoiled son. It's a dynamic that can't be explained or reasoned with. Just avoid these mom's and their loser sons all together. Don't ever make the mistake of marrying one because if he is a minor and you decide to leave she can take you for child support. This is why it's more crucial for a man to avoid single mothers with minor aged children.

Dec 10, 2015
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Misery
by: Anonymous

Someone on here posted something that is so spot on with what I am feeling these days. I feel sometimes that I made the worst mistake I ever could have marrying this man. His daughter is 18 now. She was supposed to go to college a few months ago, but she voluntarily chose to spend another year in high school. Her parents recently bought her a gift that cost over $10000. They did not ask her to get a job, or they might have suggested it but she ignored their suggestion. He does not make a lot of money, less than $45000, so this was nearly a quarter of his annual salary. He has to sell our apartment = because his ex-wife owns half of it, and yet he is spending money on his daughter like it's no big deal. Meanwhile if I ask for anything expensive for Christmas, he tells me we don't have the money because we have to save up for a new apartment. To make matters worse, next year when she finally does go to university, she'll be living in a very expensive city and undoubtedly asking him for money all the time. We won't have the money to buy a new apartment or have kids of our own. Whenever I bring up my concerns to him, he says "she's my daughter" as though this is an excuse to buy her everything she asks for. And, worse yet, when she stays with us (she stays with her mom part of the time) she doesn't ever clean up after herself. He has asked her to do the dishes before because we were always cleaning up after her and she needs her dad's help to do the dishes for some reason so he basically ends up doing them for her. I only got into the relationship because he initially told me that she was off to university soon (before she announced she would stay in high school - a private school that costs thousands of dollars - another year). I never wanted to be a stepmother of kids that were still in the house and if I had known things would turn out this way I never would have gotten involved. I feel trapped, torn between leaving and staying.

Nov 14, 2015
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To: Man's perspective
by: Anonymous

I understand that you're a man, but don't think only men have this issue with women and their children. ..I'm a woman who married a man with a spoiled and rebellious 16 year old..if the person you were dating was handicap that says a lot within itself as to the reason her child was this way. Hopefully, her child learns to eventually appreciate his mother and to care for her! More often you will hear women dealing with their stepchildren rather than men taking the role as a father to another's child..I myself, find it very attractive for a man to do this as so many children are in need of a father! If you found happiness with a woman who has no children, please don't try persuading other men to do the same! Everyone has a different mission and story

Nov 05, 2015
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Not his fault
by: Anonymous

As a stepchild, I know the difficulties of blending a family. The situation you are in is in no was your stepsons fault. He didn't ask for his parents divorce. He didn't ask for his mother to get remarried. He especially didn't ask for her to marry someone who judges his actions without thinking about potential reasons, such as being a child of divorce, or any other reason. Its a tough situation but I think taking a step back and treating this soon to be adult with love, respect, and support despite his behavior may be helpful in turning said behavior around. I could tell my stepmom judged me for being a bit high maintenance and spoiled (both products of being a normal teenager and a child of divorce as parents compete to give their child more than the other parent) and I rebelled. I behaved worse because of it. Not only did this ruin my relationship with her but also with my dad. As an adult, my dad and I still don't have a good relationship and I refuse to be in a room with his wife. I won't let her meet my kids. Remember: You chose to marry into his family. He didn't choose you and your wife is his mother who he has known for much longer than you.

Oct 09, 2015
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Dear Mike - Same Situation But I will not marry
by: Anonymous

Mike,

I met a woman 15 years ago with a then 17 year old son who was (and still is) 100% enabled.

This woman and I got along very well. I was about to ask her hand in marriage, until I met her son. I could not believe the abnormal behavior of their relationship.

She completely denies the abnormality of their relationship, which was a major red flag for me. She played the role of attorney to her child and represented her child with anyone having a question or problem.

If I simply asked him what's your future look like, she would answer for him. Anyone who spoke to this child would get a response from the mother.

He told his mom 15 years ago (then 17) "I don't need to get a job when I graduate high school, I plan on going into the army", That's what she told me anyway.

Well, that child who remains in his room playing video games, all day and only comes out of his room to eat is now 32 and is still living with his mother.

Our relationship became friends with benefits, which I was fine with at that time, but 10 years ago I finally cut the cord. We ended our relationship cordially and remain distant friends.

Over the years, we chatted occasionally and I always asked how her son was, thinking maybe he did finally join the military, but it never came to fruition.

She always had an excuse for everything he says or does. 32 and still living with his mom. She still says, "yeah, he signed up and still waiting for the call".

She never re-married. What a shame, we were so good together.

I married another woman who has no children and as happy as can be.

This is a heads up to any man in this situation.

Sign Me
- Mans Perspective

Sep 25, 2015
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Father believes lying 16 year old daughter over fiancé of 13 years
by: Anonymous

My fiancé is a very polite and caring man and good to me and my children until his spoiled daughter is around. We have a 15 yr old,two 16 yr old girls and two older sons that have grown and moved out. The problem is that his 16 yr. Old daughter lies constantly and he believes her even when I prove that she lying.I have had parents and other kids tell me what she's doing and as a parent myself I would want to know if my daughter's were misbehaving so I've told everyone that comes to me to just send photos and proof to him or the school, which they have done. Now his daughter is hated by her whole volleyball team and photos of her drinking were given to the coach and school principal for the second time. His comments are she is being billed and refuses to parent her,now they want to get dirt on the whole team and take them down with her. The drama has been so bad that myself and my girls have left the home . Of course she hates me and so does her mother that moved to California but the daughter wanted to stay here because she had a boyfriend, they have broken up now due to her sleeping around on him and her lies and she has stolen from me 4 times and caught with the goods but dad stands up for her. Of course the girls mom hates me because I call her on her lies. Wishing she would just move to California, our house was so peaceful when she is gone .

Jul 29, 2015
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Fill the shell
by: Anonymous

One thing I find to be a common ground is the step parent disagreeing with the way their significant other is parenting their child. For those of you that are married, here is an approach to take without making your partner feel like you are attacking their parenting skills.

Remind them that you two are a team. No matter if the child was there before you or not, you are each other's equal and not another child to rear. Remind them that it is important for the two of you to show how a strong marriage works for the child(ren) and to back each other up. Any disagreements about the child should be discussed away from the presence of said child.

Your marriage won't graduate and move out of the house. Children are temporary as in they will grow up and move out, once they do, you will only have each other. It is best to strengthen that bond so you have that full home even when the nest is empty. Don't have a shell of a marriage. Put one another first before the children as that is where you build your foundation.

Jun 17, 2015
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not as alone as I once thought
by: Anonymous

This page has helped me realize I'm not the only person out there with this problem. I am married with a twelve year old self entitled step-brat myself. Biggest mistake ever is my thoughts right now. Me and my wife have bought a house together and now I don't know how to get out. When I voice my opinion at all about her son she totally goes on the offensive telling me how no court would give me half of what I've worked my butt off for when she has a child in the home. I'm stuck because I invested everything in the home.I'm ready to just pack my tent and move on with nothing. Feeling so used,betrayed and lost.Anyone thinking of marriage with underage step kids.Write a notarized contract

May 28, 2015
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Stepparent
by: Anonymous

I have not been a stepparent long but long enough to feel some type of way. My stepchild came to us do to the other bio parent neglect. He wouldn't speak when he came in, he would urinate on the floor in the bathroom, he only wants junks food, as soon as his father could he bought him games, a TV, a tablet. The story goes on with issues that time want permit. I talk to my husband about him just saying a greeting when he comes in he said "it's not that important ". However, it is important to address other in authority in his e.t. G-ma or teacher. It hurts that this person I married made a commitment to dismiss my feelings as soon as his child comes into the picture. They should rewrite the vows to say to love each other for better or worse or stepchildren. You entrusted your feelings ideals and emotions enough to marry me, but not believe that I want the best for your child. You want me to act as a parent with a switch, be there one minute shut up the next. Yes your child was hurt by bio mom, yes your child is your bio child, I get it. As a couple you should honor you commitment to your spouse, that doesn't mean love your child less. I believe that By honoring that commitment it will help strengthen you as a couple to work together in all aspects of marriage. After all the kid gets older you guys just get old and whatever you build or don't build in this child you both suffer in the future as well as the child. Whatever you saw in your spouse is hopefully what you help your child to see too. Choose your kids if they are being abused or hurt not because they want their own way and you don't want the fight. Otherwise just stay the single parent you want to be. You can't be a single parent in marriage. (Just my opinion as a stepparent)

May 05, 2015
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On the Run!!!
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend of 15 years recently moved his 17 year old daughter out here to the west coast. He collects disability and has no money. We don't live together. She is beyond spoiled. She's a trust fund baby who will inherit a fortune. She never, ever works. Her parents pay for her to go to a lame private school where the kids don't even study, they do crafts and astrology. She posts "glam" pictures of herself on Facebook multiple times a week to pretend she's a surfer. Meanwhile, I work full time to put myself through an advanced degree. After reading all your stories...and I FEEL for every one of you...all I can say is, hasta la vista I am out of here, want nothing to do with this situation. So sick of spoiled teens and kids. It's sad after so many years with a nice boyfriend, but he worships this spoiled girl and I won't be around to watch it. I wish every one of you the best.

Feb 04, 2015
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Re: 9 year old in charge
by: Anonymous

I would suggest talking at length with your fiance before the wedding. Lay out your concerns and expectations and ask him for his. This will be an on-going communication so if you're in this relationship for the long haul talking with your significant other should be possible. Not necessarily easy, but doable.

Feb 04, 2015
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9 year old in charge
by: anonymous

These stories are scaring me to death! I have sweet,well behaved children,(boy 12-girl 16) I have divorced for 4 years. I met a great man and we are now engaged. He has a 9 year old who has never met his mother. His dad has given him his way since the day he was born. He steals, lies, cheats, is rude and throws baby tantrums on a daily basis. He is obese and weighs as much as an adult, but gluttons himself on everything in sight. Should I try to be the mom he never had and teach him, or run like heck?? His father realizes he caused the problem, but is lost as to What to do...

Jan 19, 2015
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Step kids suck
by: Anonymous

It is good to read these comments. I have been married to my husband for 5 years-his daughter is now 18, still in high school and the biggest spoiled brat I have ever known. She has never ever been told no,never had to be accountable for anything and gets everything she wants. He is a lazy slob and always takes her side. I agree with the commenter that said if they have kids run-I believe I could have been happy, if there hadn't been a kid involved. I'm so miserable, don't know what to do next.

Dec 09, 2014
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******* step kids ( second hand kids)
by: Anonymous

I win with the biggest idiot spoiled stepson ever he's a lazy needy baby who behaves badly tells me to get out of his house mean while my husband and I own it together calls me names screams at his father and I at the top of his lungs when things don't go his way . The kid is 16 in grade 9 and has constant problems at school ,the school calls everyday because he's either missed classes or is verbally abusive with the teachers . This September he was expelled for 3 days for teasing a Down syndrome child ,my husband blames everyone else but this kid , this kid had no consequences at all . The father of this kid says of my poor son , I told my husband his behaviour is horrible and I'm embarrassed . My husband refuses to do anything to discipline this kid . When I tell my hubby this kid is out of control he gets offended. Anybody that decides to marry someone with second hand kids Run RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN DONT DO IT TO YOURSELF ITS NOT WORTH IT.

Dec 02, 2014
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Have I made a mistake?
by: Anonymous

I have 3 kids 2 girls aged 22 , 20 and a 17 year old son youngest too now live with me and husband of 5 months along with his soon to be 16 year old daughter. I have never had any problems with any of my own children , but my stepdaughter has proven to be a challenge ! She is untidy , dirty ( has to be told to shower , change underwear and even change during a period! ( leaves used dirty towels ) , and hardley brushed her teeth! She is an only child and an only gran child and was mistley raised by her dad and his parents . If I say any thing I am told I am picking on her and all teenagers are same ( even though I have raised 3 on my own .. Been there got the t shirt )
She has now told her grandparents she would live with her mum more if it was not for mums boyfriend! And wants things back to how they where if not wanting to be here at Christmas . She regularly complains of being left out but she never speaks to me or my kids at the dinner table . We all have tried , I think she just wants her dad to self again , sadly he dosnt see this and takes my concerns very lightly.

Sep 20, 2014
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agreement
by: Anonymous

I can understand your problem. I have a 17 year old step daughter that has never had a job or even chores to do in the home. She gets what she wants. Music we listen to in the car. Where we eat. What we do. I have fallen in the same trap for fear of making my wife mad. If I questioned the behavior she always too her daughters side. I t was me against them all of the time. Now everything has gone bad. Big problems.

Jun 04, 2014
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Step Parent -
by: Anonymous

Angie- You just made it sound like a piece of cake. I don't think you understand what some of these people are experiencing. I have 2 children of my own; daughter 26 (not at home) and son 24 (not at home), I also have 3 step children, daughter 24 (not at home), son 22 (at home) & son 17 (at home). The two step sons that are at home are BEYOND spoiled and have a father that would choose them in one split second over me, his wife. Neither one has been made to work during highschool or contribute in any shape or form at home. The boys own and rule the house! I have for the last 8 years that I have been with their dad tried to influence him and them to rais them to be successful adults. However, nothing I do has any impact what so ever! It is all fine and good to sit back and not have any input on these children but I work full-time and I put a nice size salary into this household to support these lazy adult children. I could be saving for retirement. Most of the time I accept that it will not change and it was a condition of the marriage. Then there are times I am bailing out and can't wait to run! It is a matter fo time before I put my foot down and it will come to him putting a boot in their butts or me chalking it up to one big learning! I understand loving your children, I don't understand cripiling them! Some people should NOT be parents at all! As a good parent we do things that we don't want to do but is best for our children to mold them into successful productive adults THIS IS A RESPOSIBILITY AS A PARENT & in society!!! Wake up people, you are raising the future here for heaven's sake!!!!! I say if you don't agree on the parenting skills of the spouse and you cannot compromise you are up against a losing battle-RUN! I am still sticking to it for now but I am saying my patience are almost at it's end with my retirement savings looking dire. Why should I sacrafice for kids who won't work or make efforts to become independant?????

Mar 21, 2014
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i feel ya..
by: Anonymous

Omg i feel your pain. My wifes son is the freakin devil (yes you read that right). He has odd and adhd and overall, if he is not given everybodys attention at all times, he WILL finda way to get it (16 years old). Wife spoils him rotten. We could (and have been) broke with almost no money i the account, yet she'll throw him $20 here or there like we have it to spend WHENEVER he asks. Shes gone waaaay over the line of what is okay (kid this year got his lip pierced, forearm tattooed, all of which she knew about and was okay with, and his mom buys him E-Cigs...again, 16). Somehow, our house became the hangout house (whenever I get home from college or work, theres anywhere from 2-6 other teenagers in the house (all of which I don't trust as far as I can throw them). They eat up ALL the food in the house that we already don't have much of. She also seems to condone the other kids smoking over here (and no I'm not okay with it). He is supposed to be doing home school (because we both work and I am inschool, when he was at public, he would just sneak out of school everyday, so this seemed like it MIGHT work), but he just stays up all night on Skype and then sleeps umtil noon and leaves to meet up with his loser friends. He badmouth and bullies my wife, but anytime I step in and say something, I'm the jerk! I'm seriously to the point where I don't like being home, or spendong time with my wife. I wish she'd send himto his fathers (as pretty much every friend, family member, and anyone who has ever heard everything has said). I hope I find an understanding audience here with this, last time I posted about this, they were all "oh, what aren't you saying? No kid is this bad!!" YES HE IS! I don't know what to do anymore, I love her but I can't take this. However, if I leave, I'm pretty much homeless (wife has all the bills in her name and I have virtually no family or ourside savings because, well, we're poor).

May 09, 2013
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Easy to say
by: Anonymous

I asked my girlfriend and her sixteen year old son to move in with me 8 months ago, and truth be told? He is a bloody nightmare!!

Her son eats us out of house and home, he is grossly overweight and lazy, and huddles in front of his computer screen stuffing his face. He is spoiled beyond compare, and I have now had to give up my own daughters room so that King Hog-Beast can have "privacy".

I have thrown my arms up in defeat. His mother refuses to see the damage, refuses to take the feed trough from him, and praises his "delicate nature" (which means if he doesn't get his way? guess who gets sick and doesn't want to go to school)leading to the 'aww poor baby" BS.

I love her, but man oh man am I coming to the end of my patience.

Jan 22, 2012
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Help
by: Anonymous

This doesn't mean he is spoiled. Maybe he didn't have a man in his life to help him to prepare to become a man. Judy because he is of age doesn't mean he knows what to do

Apr 08, 2011
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On the other side
by: Lisa

I am a mother of a 17 year old daughter and 13 year old son. I have been separated from the kids father since they were 8 and 4. I have never exposed my children to anyone I have dated in all of those years. No man ever came into my household. Until the past 6 months. I have finally met someone wonderful and whom I am proud to show to my kids and them to him. My husband and I never divorced yet d/t many reasons mostly the cost. But I am filing for the dissolution next month.

Anyway, my son is very cool with this gentleman likes him going out to eat with us and on weekend outings. My daughter however is having a hard time. My therapist has said that the daughter learns how to have opposite sex relationships from her rel with her father and sees me as "hurting" her father right now. Despite the fact that she has never once wanted us to get back together and has voiced much disappointment in him over the years. 17 is an incredibly vulnerable age.

My daughter is by no means ready to grow up and go out into the adult world. I imagine she will be living here until after college. Her coming from family of divorce has stunted her emotional growth. And as a mother if this man whom I am in love with deeply attempted to come between me and my children my children would win every time. I will always pick my kids over any one else in the world because I am a mother first and anything else second. So be patient with the 17 year old boy.

Feb 04, 2010
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To the Step Parent
by: Angie Carter

These situations are never ever easy. Blended families can test even the most stable persons limits. All I can do is share my experience.

My husband and I have a blended family. I have one son and he has a son and a daughter. What I am about to offer you is only our experience and it may not apply to people who have younger children and are needing to 'raise them' in a blended family scenario in which all persons live in the same house.

Our children were a little bit older when we got married (one still living with my husband)- his daughter had just moved out on her own as well as my son. I can only share with you how my husband has handle the relationship between him and my son and where he places himself when it comes to issues concerning my son. First of all, he has always respected our relationship and has NEVER tried to interfer with that. He has never tried to diminish or belittle my son EVEN when he has not agreed with his choices or even certain behaviors. He has stated his feelings on occasion in a calm, non-judging way.

He does not get involved unless he is invited to do so. He will offer his opinion when my son asks for it, or when I inquire as to what his thoughts on the matter might be. Of course, I understand this may be somewhat different if my son was living with us. Bottom line is though, your wife is his mother and that is a relationship that is very important and cannot be changed.

Teenagers have a VERY difficult time taking advice and direction from their own biological parents, much less step parents. Plus the fact that his biological mother AND father are not together now. That can be hard on a person, even if they are a young adult.

I think my husband has been wise not to try and "parent" my son and to be there as a support when my son needs support and is willing to receive it. He has demonstrated much love towards my son.

I have tried to do the same for his children. I know my place and that is I am a step-mom...or to them I may be "my dad's wife" but I am not their mother. I have tried to demonstrate love, care and concern and keep opinions at bay unless asked for them.
Good Luck to you and your endeavors!!

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