Being The Step Parent of a Spoiled 17 Year Old

by Mike K
(Virginia)

My wife and I have been married since April, 2008. She has a son, now 17, still living at home with us. When we first talked about marriage we agreed we would wait until her son graduated high school.

I own a home in one county and she rented a home in an adjoining county at the time. She had promised her son she would not move him again, as she and her ex had moved several times during the years before we met. I have two grown children not living at home.

Having made many mistakes with my own children I was not anxious to take on the role of step parent to a teen who already exhibited signs of being spoiled, immature, and unconcerned with becoming ready to be self-reliant. For different reasons, both family-related and economic, we moved up our wedding date.

Since my wife and step son moved into our home he and I have butted heads more frequently. My wife and I had a very open and easy communication with one another except when it came to situations involving her son. While we eventually worked through many of the situations, lately I am finding it more difficult to voice my concerns about what I see as his weaknesses and continuing lack of desire to prepare in any meaningful way to assume the mantle of adult.

I see we are at a crossroads in our relationship and marriage. I believe we have the devotion to each other, to ourselves, and to our marriage to make things work out but I am at a low point mostly due to the trouble I am having in voicing my concerns without making them come out like attacks on her parenting skills. I don't have any close friends to talk these concerns over with so here I am.