being ignorant to the signs

by Glinda
(Massachussetts)

I have a 23 yr old son, I raised him myself and when he turned 18, he wanted to go live with his father in Las Vegas. He kept in touch sporadically. After about 2 yrs he called me at 6 in the morning and said he was going to kill himself if I didnt get him home.

Well on my conditions, from the airport we went directly to the ER and admitted him. He went to a one week inpatient program and that was it. He seemed ok, moved out and got a job, but slowly he couldnt make it anymore and asked if he could move back with me to "get on his feet". It has been over a year, and I know he is drug addicted again. All the signs are there, he works but is always broke. I feed him, and he pays $200 a month rent. But that leaves him with over a grand a month....but he never has money. He is very secretive and easily angered. He also is always vomiting, and blowing his nose excessively. I know thats probably drug sick and he is snorting something. I have had suspicions but he always has an answer.

I know I am enabling him, but how do I kick him out? He will lose his job,(my husband got him the job and transports him back and forth everyday), he will have nowhere to go. I dont know how to deal with that. I am worried while he is still doing drugs he will hate me for making a stand. Its the only reason I havent done anything. I love him, I only want to help him get clean, not enable him to kill himself..... And By the way, I am waiting for a lung transplant and am quite ill myself, which makes this all the more difficult to deal with.

I guess I am not the only one, but how do people cope? Any advice would be awesome, I am hopeful for my, and my sons future.