amazed

by Linda
(Calgary)

I have been trying to quit smoking cigarettes - the more I think about quitting, the more I smoke. I can't figure out why I smoke. I have a grandson who is 1 year old and I promised to quite before he was born, but just haven't been able to, as I fill up with anxiety when I think about not smoking. I just can't imagine my life if I didn't smoke - what would I do with myself. I have had thoughts that my smoking has something to do with issues from my childhood that I haven't dealt with - my dad was an alcoholic and also smoked - but I just haven't been able to figure it out. When you say in your article that addictions are related to unresolved childhood issues, I am amazed, because that sounds so much like what I think about myself. The only problem is how do I figure out what the unresolved issues are? I just don't remember any incidence that were so traumatic that I would feel abandoned or anything like that. I am 53 and do think that at this point in time I have only myself to blame for the way my life is now, I can't blame my father or mother or any other family member. But how do I get to the root of what is bothering me?