Adult daughter making poor decisions regarding herself and her three daughters
(St Louis, MO)
I am a 64 year old mother of two children I have loved, wanted all my life. They have been my life. Their father died 25 years ago, so I am pretty much a single mom, tho at times my second husband can be of more help than harm.
My younger, my son, suffered from lots of teen problems, including experimenting w drugs, attempting suicide, the list goes on. I never gave up on him, always got him the help he needed and just prayed that he would get through this without losing his life. And he did make it, finally! At least I think he has. He is 32, father of a beautiful 6 month old daughter, working for a great construction company, and has benefits!
My older child, my daughter, did the more traditional, not so bad stuff in her teen years, went to a couple years of college, fell in love with her husband and got married. Two children and a graduation from the police academy for her hubby later, things in her life began to deteriorate. Husband becomes abusive, she decides to leave, and moves to a one bedroom condo that her brother vacated so she'd have a place for her and her two girls we own the condo. Since then, she has become pregnant (with a different man) so had to move to a larger place, got kicked out of that place, and now lives in a home we also purchased so our grandchildren had a decent place to live. She almost died when she delivered her third daughter, was on life support for days, with Drs telling us they had no idea if she would ever wake up. But she did, and continues to be a parent to three girls while being handicapped w multiple health problems and hardly any income.
And then there is me, remember me? The mom who just wanted these kids sooo much and love them so much it hurts. And now I want her to be grown up, and have decent friends, and raise her children in a decent home. I get so so angry, just over the top that she can't do this! To me, it's what I did, it's what you are supposed to do as a mother. I did it all alone, can't she?
I spent my day today in seclusion after finding out she left her children w questionable babysitter, and the bum who is her baby's father, who has stolen her blind, and us as well, was over raking her leaves! According to our conversations, she was having no contact with him. I know I have been enabling her, I feel it is time to pull back, but I'm feeling so hurt that after the wonderful life we had, and we did, it ends up i can't trust my daughter to tell me what is true. She will accept my help, but continues to live in a way she knows is wrong.
I have gone on too long, am a depressed mess, but somehow feel better just for putting this all in words.