addicted to a person with psychopathic traits

by maria
(montana)

Your "iceberg" information is on point. It is clear and rings true. I had to read it twice...my defenses are rigid. I am recovering from not a substance but a person. Chasing the high of the beginning and the illusion...the few moments when I did not feel the pain of abandonment from childhood.

In the very beginning, briefly being with this person was electric due to the attention. Very soon after, came the pulling away because I came second and third and fourth. As I discovered he had a second life, drugs, alcohol, women....he lied, blah blah blah....it is in the profile of a narcissist and psychopath. So in the beginning, my pain was gone from me...and then it came back as I put up with the crazy behaviors..I did not want him...I wanted the illusion. And now, he is almost not in my life...he calls me once a week and upsets me...I realize that I am in pain with contact but in worse pain with no contact. I am withdrawing from being other-oriented and the illusion.

I am ready to recover from my pain for myself with help. It is not easy to let go of the false self...even from me...it helps me feel numb and it is yet another illusion. Taking a deep breath...I am ready to overcome the most difficult task of my life because I will not live like this.

Thank you for this website and thank you for listening.

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Aug 15, 2012
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Similar situation
by: AnonymousMaritza

Hi. I am in a similar situation: trying to let go of the illusion of an apparently wonderful person who promised me the world but mostly made me suffer. I too was looking, I think, for support and protection. And I too think I ended up with a narcissist. You can see a condensed version of my story posted on this site, without much detail ("Hard to move on").

When you talk about letting go of the false self, do you mean your own? Or the other person's? I mean, why do you think it was you who had a false self? I'm just trying to understand.

Also, I really wonder how to find that nurturing we need within ourselves, instead of finding people who will hurt us.

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