Abruptly ended very close relationship

by In-Shock
(Ohio)

There was no arguing, not anything but words of commitment and love for about 2 years then abruptly out of the blue my partner call, almost in between asking me to come over (didn't live together) and go to the store with them anyway they called me one morning and said "I don't love you the way you love me".

That was it - no reasons, no discussion nothing, and NOTHING substantial since, except one other email that said hope we can be friends at some point. I responded to that one by saying "Look I meant everything I said so it's going to take a LONG time before I consider being friends." They sent a couple random emails since (nothing important) UNTIL I sent their "house key" back, to which they said they got an emotional lump in throat. After that now NOTHING and we used to communicate ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Do you think the "key" made them realize what they had really done and that's why no communication now? Like perhaps they did still love me but don't know how to turn back? This person was on some meds and has mother issues that could never be broken and the mother tears down and belittles constantly, and she always used the "I'm all alone and sick" thing to keep my partner tied in. She was not some invalid or that sick either only the threat of what might come. Do you think both sides were too much and my partner had to choose?

It's really got me stuck in grief and pain and this is over 3 months - I am still in total shock and very emotionally broken. I waited 7 years to meet someone and took my time getting to know this person so it's not like I take relationships lightly or trust lightly - so I am really hurting and stuck with no closure - just dumbfounded and in shock.

Thank you all for being here at least for the 20 minutes this took I could stop wandering around the house blindly.

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Nov 11, 2012
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Happened to me
by: Lisa

I had a similar situation occur several years ago. The only thing is I didnt put 2 years into it. One day he said "I love you talk to you later today." Next day I get a text message that says...."I can't do this anymore."

that was it. He stopped all communication and refused to answer my pleas to just find out what the heck happened....

I then decided not to date (for one year was my therapists request).
I ended up not dating/ being celibate for >4 years.

My therapist said I didnt tell you to never date again.
We worked on my issues with relationships. I sought out emotionally unavailable men with issues and pasts still haunting them. I set up every relationship with the idea of this is not permanent. I could not become vulnerable and actually share my wants and likes with anyone and had always become whatever "they" wanted. I basically lied about who I actually was.

I am happy to say after 4 years....I did it once again with a very ill man who I dated for 6 months. It lasted that long because I didnt want to admit that I had chosen very poorly again...
but the actual happy news is after this relationship imploded...as it inevitably would I met the most incredible man.

we have been together for 2 years and he is an adult. He talks about concerns with me. He wants to solve issues. He wants to work on problems that may arise... and he is honest..!!

I never dated anyone honest before. I had always been betrayed.

Which is what it turned out to be with guy #1 who just sent a text...He had sex with his ex wife who was still very enmeshed in his life and didnt want to face me....

I went through months of agony thinking I had done something or messed up. Just the agony of not knowing and all along he couldnt stay faithful and was a cheating lying pig.

I did however use those years to go to therapy intensively.

God bless you the pain does get better.... I promise
Lisa

Nov 01, 2011
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ending no closure
by: Michael

omg it hurts sooo very much, Rebecca and I were so clsoe, at least that's what I perceived...she ended it, Imiss her so much, it has been six months and I still cry everyday...I wish someone or soemthuign would tkae this pain of loss and sadness and greif away, it is sucha havy burdon on my soul...my thoughts and prayer s go out to yuo all goimg thru this...

May 26, 2011
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No easy answers
by: Don Carter

Hi,

Sorry for your pain and for being unable to read the mind of your partner... I wish we could tell you what happened. But the fact is it could have been hundreds of things. The only way you will ever know is if he tells you some day.

Now, if you are going to assume anything, then I suggest that you assume that there is something about your past relationships (especially childhood relationships) that has set you up to choose these kinds of abandonment scenarios.

Start by asking yourself "does this cluster of emotions feel familiar to me?" "Was there a time or times in my past when I was 'hit' with this same bombshell of emotions?"

If not, no harm done by asking yourself. If the answer is yes then you have a trail to follow. Keep in mind that if there is a trail and you ignore or overlook it, the same or similar thing is bound to happen again.

Keep coming back and let us know what you find out,
Don Carter

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