About the drama triangle

by Clarissa

Hi Everyone,

I wasn't sure where to post this but this seemed to be as good a place as any! Apologies though, if it's better placed elsewhere.

I have a question about a situation I have going on at the moment, and someone recently told me about the drama triangle which seems to help me explain it. In the past, I have identified quite strongly with the Victim role of the triangle. I work very hard at recognizing this element of myself and attempt as best I can to take care of the wounded child within me, speak honestly about my vulnerability and behave assertively with those around me.

However, there is a person in my life at the moment, who, despite all my efforts, continues to see me in the Victim's role and relates to me as if I am still in that place. I'm finding this very confusing and hurtful. I have had many years of therapy and am quite self aware. Because this person is someone with a good deal of knowledge and experience, I try as hard as I can to relate to her from a place of balance and equality between us. It makes no difference to the way she responds to me; it seems no matter how I behave, she still speaks to me as if I am being manipulative and wanting to be rescued or mollycoddled in some way.

I should mention that this lady is in a supervisory position within the charity that currently provides me with support (for survivors of trauma). I am to have the opportunity soon to have a meeting with her and her supervisor to discuss this, but I am fearful of how it might turn out. I find her attitude towards me so upsetting. Worst of all, the way she relates to me has me second guessing myself as to whether I am indeed 'playing the Victim' once again, which is a truly dreadful, 'crazy-making' feeling.

How can I best deal with this lady? How best can I protect myself and still actually hear what she says to me? How can I 'be an equal' to someone who seems not to see me as such? How can I stay out of the Victim role in the face of someone who seems to want to keep me there?

I would appreciate any insights anyone might have on this issue, especially as I am new to the concept of the drama triangle and it seems to fit this situation.

Thank you,

Clarissa