Abandonment the destoryer
I was sickly as a child woke up a lot pre - 10 years old in an oxygen tent. Had pneomina some 10 times. My parents smoked a lot, Dad 3/4 packs mom 1/2 a day. But in the 50's and 60's that was the thing to do. A lot of times we would try to go some where and the parent would turn on the air roll up the windows and we were off on an outing. I would get sick and everyone would say we have to go back as Chris is sick (again). 6th grade I spent most of the year in a county hospital. At the same time Dad was in the VA hospital. I was not told, some months after his death that he was dying of cancer. Anyway I lived in the county hospital and walked across the street to the school. On weekend visits I would get sick and come back. Lots of strange things happened in the hospital but thats another subject. That Summer or Fall my Mom went to bury her father and on the way back stopped at CARIH now National Jewish and she beg them to take my case. Asthmatic. They did and was was flown to Denver, Co where I stayed some 20 months. Some time in January/Feb. maybe 5/6 months into my stay in Denver, I was told Dad died back in November, shortly after I arrived in Denver. Ever since then I've had a pack of emotions, I've even asked "Well when are you leaving. About time for you to dump my ass". Self-esteem is dragging the bottom. Quite several jobs as I did not think I was liked or worthy. I was always the top producer. Never been able to voice the problems. Oh yeah at 14 shortly after retuning from Denver a family friend molested me. My guess that added to the shame and contempt I've had for myself. Seems I've lived two lives one no one is allowed to know the the work side. Getting things done. Never really go out and try and have friends One I don't want them to know anything about my past (shame/Contempt for myself) and I figure they will be gone in short order. Again I would not reveal myself.