Abandonment MO


(Missouri)

I am from a very large dysfunctional family and I always felt that no one truly cared for me while growing up. I felt that I seldom had my parent's attention unless I went to them and demanded it. I was always afraid of some of my siblings and their abuse. I never felt I was even good enough for God and all His mercy.

In my adult life, I'm learning that the more I depend on God the less abandoned I feel. I pray more and I feel more content. I still cry in church when we sing some of the hymns, but I'm doing better thanks to some wonderful counselors and a lot of great reading.

People will always be a disappointment in some way or another. I'm trying very hard to learn to deal with disappointments and my anger.

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Nov 08, 2009
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I have a story to share with you
by: mxkx

I can completely relate to not feeling worthy enough for God. It sounds like you may have some religious issues like I do. I'm hoping you may be able to relate to my story and draw some of the comfort from it that I did when it happened to me.

I prayed to him for the first time today in a long time. I have to admit that I had stopped feeling worthy enough to pray and the last ditch attempt I made at praying was to make a prayer request because I was so desperate to reach God and I felt so unworthy to ask him myself that I hoped maybe I could reach him through others that were more worthy than me.

I prayed for my family first, and then I caught myself praying for guidance to help make my life happier (those weren't my exact words but it's close enough I think). It just slipped out. I was shocked and ashamed of myself for praying for myself.

And then it was like a voice all of a sudden told me that Christ loved himself. He took good care of himself even though he was on the road a lot. And the only reason why he was on the road a lot was because he really loved what he was doing. He wanted to do it. He wanted to do everything he did for not just "us" but "me" too. But some part of him also did it just for him. It wasn't like he was just doing it all for God. It wasn't like he was just doing it all for humankind. Some part of him was doing it just because that was what he loved to do. On top of that, he prayed for himself. He had private prayers to God in which he asked him to do things for him. It's ok to ask God for help. That's part of what praying to him is all about. He has that channel open to me just for me to talk to him and ask for his guidance... as he does for everyone.

That is the message I got. It just shook me to my very core. I debated with myself for a while about whether or not to listen to it, then later on I continued my reading here and almost immediately hit upon the little professor. That is when it really dawned on me that it really didn't matter whether or not that was God's voice or if I was going crazy. The fact is even if it wasn't God it was my mind's way of getting in contact with me and initiating positive change. No matter what way I look at it, it's a good thing.

Wow, I sound so much more confident than I feel about everything I am saying. Is that a mask I need to remove when having these discussions? I mean, these things really happened but I don't really feel nearly as confident as the pep talk I keep giving myself. I'm just... I'm trying to break through. And it feels good just to say these things because it makes them feel more real.

Nov 03, 2009
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Keep coming back...
by: Don Carter

First of all, thanks for your post! It takes courage to reach out when you feel that people are likely to disappoint you.

It is no wonder to me why you feel that way given the abuse and loneliness you mentioned. I ask that you remain open to the possibility that there are those in recovery who know exactly how you feel and want to be there to help...even when they screw up and make mistakes sometimes (as we all do from time to time).

I hope you continue to come back, read the information on this site, communicate in these forums, and be there for others when you think you understand how they are feeling... then there will be at least one person who will not disappoint! :)

Thanks again,
Don

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