abandonment issues and also emotional pain truama issues at 36 years old
Hi everyone , thanks for reading this. ive come from a dysfunctional family where i being the eldest i should be the hero but i am not. My parents are or were both teachers at top boarding schools.
As a child my mother loved me as much as possible while she wasnt at work, then my siblings came into being and love was transferred to them, i used to get shouted at a lot after everyone was born i was in the region of 7-10 at this age my parents decided to send me to boarding school and as a result the love instantly vanished. really tough time for me at boarding school, as i didnt fit in at all and was bullied and finally almost raped. I tried to run away three times but didnt have the nerve to go off campus. i tried hard academically but was withdrawn from school. I then had made mates at primary school who i saw again at secondary school which helped but still got bullied a bit but not as much.
while at secondary school my first sister tried to have sex with me which i thought was really strange and she basically raped her own brother. not sure why this ever happened i havent really told anyone at all about this. Anyways this went on till i went to Uni where i was addicted to going out and getting trashed on anything i could lay my hands on to deal with my situation. I met loads of good mates at Uni.
afterwards a few years later i met hayley who i was with but couldnt really have a proper relationship with as i didnt tell her what had happened in my life, i was looking for love affection caring for life really but we lasted 5 months .... i then moved away from my home town and have since met someone else but has more issues than me !!! i really like her and i dont think i can committ to her and her me because of our issues.... i just wanna be loved and share the love to. i dont know whether i shoud have counselling as im 36 and have kind of sorted meself out but i dont know deep down im still abandoned and depressed because of it. please help cause i wanna b with her