abandonment issues and also emotional pain truama issues at 36 years old

by hugo
(newbury uk)

Hi everyone , thanks for reading this. ive come from a dysfunctional family where i being the eldest i should be the hero but i am not. My parents are or were both teachers at top boarding schools.

As a child my mother loved me as much as possible while she wasnt at work, then my siblings came into being and love was transferred to them, i used to get shouted at a lot after everyone was born i was in the region of 7-10 at this age my parents decided to send me to boarding school and as a result the love instantly vanished. really tough time for me at boarding school, as i didnt fit in at all and was bullied and finally almost raped. I tried to run away three times but didnt have the nerve to go off campus. i tried hard academically but was withdrawn from school. I then had made mates at primary school who i saw again at secondary school which helped but still got bullied a bit but not as much.

while at secondary school my first sister tried to have sex with me which i thought was really strange and she basically raped her own brother. not sure why this ever happened i havent really told anyone at all about this. Anyways this went on till i went to Uni where i was addicted to going out and getting trashed on anything i could lay my hands on to deal with my situation. I met loads of good mates at Uni.

afterwards a few years later i met hayley who i was with but couldnt really have a proper relationship with as i didnt tell her what had happened in my life, i was looking for love affection caring for life really but we lasted 5 months .... i then moved away from my home town and have since met someone else but has more issues than me !!! i really like her and i dont think i can committ to her and her me because of our issues.... i just wanna be loved and share the love to. i dont know whether i shoud have counselling as im 36 and have kind of sorted meself out but i dont know deep down im still abandoned and depressed because of it. please help cause i wanna b with her

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Aug 06, 2012
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Lots to do...
by: Don

Hello Hugo,

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. Believe it or not, you are ahead of the curve when it comes to your age and counseling for abandonment issues. Most people are almost 40 and frequently 50 or 60+ when they finally reach out...maybe it takes that long to try out all the other ways of coping before we come to the conclusion that we need help!

I am sorry about all that you have been through...but it tells me you are a survivor. That means you have lots of internal strength! It takes courage to reach out and begin to deal with these things - to TELL others the secret you have kept for so long.

It is a big step and I hope you keep taking the next step. Before long you'll find your self well on your way in this journey we call recovery. But you need other people who know the score so you can share the experience with them in a safe container.

Start asking questions and giving feedback here, but also look for support groups like Coda or Adult/Children groups in your locale...if they don't have one, get us know and we will hook you up with the someone who can help you set up a meeting in your area. Once you set it up, more will come.

Keep at it! and let us know how it goes for you!

Don

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