Abandonment in adult life

by Ellen Baly
(Ireland )

My situation is that I was sexually abused by my father and I remembered it only in 1991 and I dealt with it in therapy. But I just cannot deal with is the abandonment of my brothers and sisters who ignore that it happened and I can only have a very false relationship with them because they won't accept it happened so I never go there with them. But deep down I am fuming with anger and the hurt is unbearable.

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Aug 11, 2010
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The truth will set you free, but may make others uncomfertable.
by: coamhin

I recently told my family about my sexual abuse. My father told me that he knew of abuse in my mothers family , but said "I thought you`d be all right",when they took us their to visit.The truth was they didn`t care if we were alright, they just needed a break from us. Initially my Dad made all the right noises and seemed really concerned, but by the end of the conversation i felt he had minimised my abuse. My only regret was that I didn`t go to him when it had happened, although I `m not sure he would have listened. It would have saved years of pain,and promiscuity as well as the psycho/sexual problems I encountered.

The abuse was never mentioned again and similar to your situation my siblings acted as if nothing had happened. That was their dysfunctional way of dealing with it.But it`s a slap in the face.

The positive thing that came out of telling my parents was that I know longer had to carry the burden on my own and it was no longer a secret. It also went some way to explaining my addictions and anti social behaviour.

I never outed the girl responsible who was 15 at the time, I knew she had been sexually abused some years earlier and although I was extremely angry at her for many years I have come to forgive her. Although her actions were devastating and life changing for me.

I had certain expectations about my family knowing about the abuse and I was disappointed with their reaction but the important thing is that I can begin heal and to move on.

I have had no contact with my family of origin for the past four years. I had to leave them behind in order to get well and create a new healthy family.

Good luck with your recovery,
Coamhin

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