a shameful wasted life
Q: I resonate with the shame game. I am an adult and don't have kids but have wondered why I have walked away from every job offer (my dream jobs included) because of an unworthiness feeling that I couldn't identify. Ex: I was seeking employment advice from the school that trained me in my field, and when the department head offered me a job, I have to say I felt like I would be unmasked and/or I was unworthy and this guy just didn't know it. The feelings were not rationally viable, meaning I wasn't criminally oriented and just had normal problems like everybody else and didn't really know shame existed in my life.
Anyway, when I read about abuse and trauma effects on young kids, those explain me pretty well, meaning I am alone at 53 and have been forever it seems. Anyway, I can't believe that it really happened to me. Has shame and its components been clinically repeatable in patients and recorded by psychologists enough to be common, and I am just another victim of mis-parenting (dad alcoholic critical, mom depressed and I think she took it out on me)?In other words, is this real, and if I really resonate with it, meaning it turns the tumblers of understanding, could this really be my fate?
I feel robbed because of the shame monster that rose up and unleashed a torrent of reasons why I am not good enough. It baffled at the time and those who had offered jobs in the fields of my choice. I trained all the way up to taking my dream as a reality and walked away over and over. What say you, Mr./Ms. Ph.D? Please.