18 yr old daughter out of control

by Debi
(Palm beach gardens, fl)

My daughter started her plight in middle school. Last summer she actually assaulted me and ended up in drug rehab for 6 months. When she got out in February, I felt hopeful. But it didn't take long to see she planned to return to her old ways. She refused to let go of her drug selling boyfriend, and the other negative people she surrounded herself with. She became very disrespectful, and came and went as she pleased despite what I'd say.

Last weekend I had my appendix out. While in the hospital she stole my credit card; made a lot of purchases, took my car with no license, sold my camera, and what I had left of jewelry. I called the police who said this is her residence and I can't throw her out! So I told my daughter in front of the cop she can either go with her dad, who is a recovering addict and wants to help her, or she can go to jail because I'll press charges. She said she'd go with her dad, but when the cop left, she cursed at me, told me I'm an uncaring mom who never loved her, and took off on her bicycle.

I'm relieved and devastated. I knew I had reached my limit, my daughter has completely raped me emotionally, taken anything I have of value, and I'm done. I'm 57 living alone, and deserve to have some peace in my life. I don't feel guilty, but I am horrified and feel a ton of anger.

I can't help her anymore, she has to find her own way, I did whatever I possibly could. Her rehab didn't help her, but it taught me that enabling only hurt her as well as me.

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Apr 29, 2012
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Update on my daughter
by: Debi

It's close to a year since I originally wrote about my daughter,
Just wanted to let you all know what has happened since.
She did end up living with her dad and his family for 7 months, but that didn't work either. She refused to follow rules, would come and go as she pleased, continued her drug
Use and created more problems. Her dad threw her out, he
Couldn't take it anymore.
That was the best thing that could have happened. She found her own way to a govt. Funded halfway house for women. She has to be responsible, do chores, work, be there by 6pm
Every day...and they all go to 2 meetings together every day.
She's doing very well there! I hope and pray it continues, she just turned 19.
Thanks so much for all your comments.
With love & light
Debi

Apr 26, 2012
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I need to draw on some strength
by: Anonymous

I need to find that kind of strength. The problem I have is that my son is only 16. I think that being out on the street could be more of a detriment than good for him. But, I have to do something. I just feel nervous about having the police involved again.

Sep 08, 2011
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IN YOUR HIGHEST GOOD AND THEREFORE OTHERS HIGHEST GOOD
by: Anonymous

You did absolutely the right thing-both for yourself and your daughter. By doing what is in your highest good you have also done what is in the highest good of your daughter whether she is able to see it at the time or not. You deserve better treatment and you are the only one who can give it to your self. Kudos for caring about both your self and your daughter! Blessings.

Aug 30, 2011
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Thanks for the input
by: Debi

Don-
Thankyou so much for your comment on my out of control daughter. I feel much anguish and pain, but find comfort in knowing I did the right thing. I finally learned thru parent meetings I went to while she was in rehab 6 months, that being
An enabler is my own disease, and only keeps a terrible situation going. That was a hard lump to swallow. But I got the message loud and clear. I pray for her every day, that's all I can do now.
Sincerely-
Debi

Aug 30, 2011
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Glad you found your way here...
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you and your daughter had to go this far, but happy you found your way to letting go. Sometimes anger is a good thing. Especially when it helps us to let go!

Not only is it a loving thing you do for you, but it is also the most loving thing you can do for her. She needs to face her consequences and pain without anyone softening it for her. Pain is a friend, telling her she is going the wrong way!

Hope to hear more about your recovery. A good start is posting here and attending Alanon or Nar-anon 12 step meetings for YOU (not for her).

Take Care,
Don

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